


World of Crack

by Variabels



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Everyone's Insane, Gen, Memes, Screenplay/Script Format, Spoilers for World of Light, World of Light (Super Smash Brothers), chatfic, kinda hybrid format, lots of OOC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2020-10-10 03:09:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 79
Words: 21,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20520962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Variabels/pseuds/Variabels
Summary: Galeem Thanoses the whole Smash Bros cast, except for Kirby. Kirby must now save them if he wishes to ever eat a nice meal again.On his adventure, he'll rescue Smashers who are even more insane than him. He'll meet spirits from franchises he's never even heard of. And I guess he'll save a world full of crack.





	1. Everyone gets Thanos'd

**Author's Note:**

> I got a Switch and SSBU on Monday. I've been waiting so long to finally start this fic.
> 
> I wanted to try something a bit different that doesn't take too much time. So, I'll be able to update it daily while still being able to work on my other serious fics and having time for university.

All the characters that could afford HD 3D models were standing on that cliff from Brawl looking at a pack of floating hands consisting of enough hands that every fighter must take down at least ten.

Fox: If this were Melee, I would have been able to take them all down by myself. Guess I’m going to need you-

Marth: No one cares, Fox. Now, has anyone seen my hairbrush?

Zelda: Marth, there are exactly two people who care about your hair and neither one of them is here.

Pit: Zelda, you had plastic surgery too? I thought it was just Link.

Shulk: _Oh, shit. That thing’s going to kill us all. _

Shulk: Uh!

Shulk:_ Wait? I lost my voice! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

Galeem: *performs the snap*

Link: No, I will not be part of that ball’s tentacle- *RIP*

Samus: Me nei- *RIP*

Mewtwo: Stupid mor- *RIP*

Zelda: Oh, God! Please protect- *RIP*

Sonic: Grab my hand, Pikachu!

Pikachu: You’re the dumbest person I’ve ever- *RIP*

Sonic: Pika- *RIP*

Bayonetta: I’m the queen of Smash. Your pathetic beams can’t- *RIP*

Red: Hit ‘em with everything you’ve got- *RIP*

Bowser: *obediently obeys and RIP*

Captain Falcon: I’m outta- *RIP*

Lucario: You foo- *RIP*

Greninja: Hah! In your- *RIP*

Inkling Girl: We’re screwed! *hides*

Inkling Boy: Oh, shit! *hides*

Inklings: *RIP*

Falco: Yeah, I’m going back to Me- *RIP*

Palutena: Pit, Dark Pit! You must go protect my- *RIP*

Pit: Lady Palutena!!!! *RIP*

Dark Pit: Losers. *RIP*

Snake: If I can’t see them, they can’t see me. *RIP*

Diddy: Please don’t kill me! I promise to be bottom tier!*RIP*

Rosalina: Spare Luma, please! *RIP*

Luma: *RIP*

Villager: No no no! I swear I didn’t murder your neighbor! *RIP*

Duck: I just want you to know, I’ve always hated you.

Dog: Why?

Duck Hunt Duo: *RIP*

Wii Fit: I will die doing what I love! *RIP*

Kirby: *riding warp star* Ah, shit! I left the oven on! I ain’t got time for this shit!

And thus everyone found themselves bodyless as the world was engulfed by light. All that remained were spirits and one very angry pink ball.

Kirby: What the fuck? I crashed! I fucking crashed!

Kirby: Hey, where is everybody?

Kirby: Oh, shit. I’ve gotta save ‘em all if I ever want to have delicious food again.

Kirby didn’t know what was going on. All the fighters had been captured by Galeem who made copies of their bodies. Galeem shoved spirits into the lifeless bodies and made them into his puppets.

His fanfictions were going to become reality and no one was stopping him.


	2. VS Smoky Progg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually know anything about Smoky Progg besides him being from Pikmin.

Kirby: Jesus Christ, what the fuck are you?

Smoky Progg: Um... I’m not quite sure myself.

Kirby: Why’d you choose Mario’s body of all bodies? Wouldn’t you have rather chosen someone hotter?

Smoky Progg: I didn’t have a choice...

Kirby: Wow... I actually feel bad for you.

Smoky Progg: ...

Kirby: Is there anything interesting you can do?

Smoky Progg: I can turn into metal at random times.

Kirby: ... Ok... Guess I’ll just beat you up.

Smoky Progg: Please don’t! I’ll join you! I’ll help you with anything.

Kirby: I suppose I do need someone to take out the trash for me. Welcome to the team!

Smoky Progg: I will do my best to help you!

Later.

Kirby: *reading Smoky Progg’s spirit ability* Dafuq? Items are on!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> If you main Kirby, you can play WoL with only your main(s). I wonder how much of a struggle it will be for me. My first playthrough of this mode is going to be mains only on hard mode. My second playthrough (aka the one I'm using to know what spirits Kirby encounters) will probably end up being exactly the same because I kinda suck with everyone that isn't my main or their echo fighters.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	3. VS Eevee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some spirits make sense like Eliwood possessing a copy of Roy. But why is Eevee inside Yoshi?

Kirby: You know... I thought you’d choose a pokemon. Why are you inside Yoshi?

Eevee: Eevee! _(I was shoved in this body against my will!)_

Kirby: I like you, but I’m going to have to kick the crap out of you.

Eevee: Eevee? _(If it means not having to be in this body, I’ll gladly let you win.)_

Kirby: I know, I know... But you’re in Yoshi’s body and Yoshi evaded his taxes. It’s only right for me to teach him a lesson.

Eevee: Eevee! _(You’re messed up!)_

Eevee 2: Eevee? _(Isn’t he supposed to save us?)_

Eevee 3: Eevee! _(We’re all screwed!)_

Kirby: Jesus Christ! There are more of you?

Eevees: ...

Kirby: Can I adopt all of you?

Eevees: Eevee! _(Fuck no!!!)_

Kirby: Nice! Welcome to the team!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Lately, I've been addicted to Fire Emblem Three Houses. It's so good.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	4. VS Celeste

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They never actually fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went to the supermarket today and decided to look at the gaming section. I was thinking to myself about how cool it would be if there just happened to be an Ike amiibo.  
Now my FE/SSB Holy Trinity (Marth, Roy and Ike, aka the FE characters from before it became hated) is complete.

Kirby: That’s weird, aren’t you usually asleep in a museum?

Celeste: Um... I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be sleeping during day shifts.

Kirby: How ironic that you’re inside Jigglypuff. If you sing, I might fall asleep.

Celeste: You’re right! Wait, won’t I also fall asleep?

Kirby: Eh, Puff sucks nowadays.

Celeste: But you’re just as bad as you were in Melee.

Kirby: Look, I’m forced to hold back on my immense power, OKAY? I could beat the fuck out of you in one hit if I wanted to.

Celeste: What!? Why would you do something so mean?

Kirby: If I wanted to, I would have done it!

Celeste: Ah! I accidentally ate a hot curry!

Kirby: Fuck, go to sleep or you’ll die!

Celeste: But what about you?

Kirby: I can handle a rest no problem.

Celeste: *rests*

Kirby: How’s she spitting fire in her sleep?

Celeste: I feel much better right now.

Kirby: You’re welcome?

Celeste: Can I join you in your adventure?

Kirby: If you promise not to spit fire in your sleep.

Celeste: Wait, what?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Next time, Kirby won't be alone anymore.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	5. VS Mario

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mario joins the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soon we'll have a trio. :)

Kirby: Mario, is that you?

Mario: It’s-a me, a-Mario!

Kirby: You’ve turned to the dark side?

Mario: No, the light-a side.

Kirby: Fine, what will it take for me to convert you to the dark side?

Mario: You can’t-a convince me to leave-a Lord-a Galeem’s side.

Kirby: Technically, you’ve already left it.

Mario: W-What!? Mamma mia! My life is a lie!

Kirby: Little secret, it’s always been a lie.

Mario: N-NO! This can’t-a be!

Kirby: Peach will never love you.

Mario: NNNNOOOO!!!!!

Kirby: If you join my side, I can hook you up with her.

Mario: I’m-a listening.

Kirby: First we need to fight. Then you need to let me beat you by using my suck and cuck technique.

Mario: Fine, fine! I will-a join your side.

Kirby: Great!

**MARIO JOINS THE TEAM**

Kirby: All right, now I can finally relax.

Mario: I got-a text from-a Sakurai. He wants you to-a save the world.

Kirby: Dad, why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I start university tomorrow. I'll keep updating daily though.
> 
> See you guys next chapter.


	6. VS Guardian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featuring Kirby and Mario

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter a new character will join the team. Totally not obvious who it is.
> 
> This might age badly if I change my profile picture.

Mario: I wish-a Link was-a here, he’d-a know what to do.

Kirby: He ate bugs once, even I don’t eat bugs. I don’t think he’d know what to do.

Mario: He might-a have some-a questionable eating habits, but he’s a smart-a kid.

Kirby: No, he’s not! He’s over a hundred years old! He’s not a kid.

Mario: Mentally and-a physically he is.

Kirby: Kids don’t threaten squids with fire.

Mario: Roy’s-a threatened squids with fire.

Kirby: He threatens everyone with fire. Plus, he totally faked his ID so his parents could continue paying his rent.

Mario: How do you-a know that?

Kirby: So, I was walking after having a long discussion about getting-

Guardian: Um... Are you two ever going to fight me?

Kirby: Excuse me, I’m talking. So, I was walking after-

Guardian: Someone please fight me!!!

Mario: If you’re a guardian, what do you-a guard?

Guardian: An asshole, a serial killer and disappointment.

Kirby: Wow, I feel really really bad for you.

Mario: You should become our-a guardian. You could-a guard our-a friends who can’t-a fight.

Guardian: Really? You mean that?

Mario: Yes.

Guardian: Thank you!

Kirby: Wait a minute, you can’t just be nice to... What even are you?

Guardian: I am the guardian who’s supposed to guard three fighters. You can only save one before Master Hand takes the other two away.

Kirby; I think we should choose the asshole, we can never go wrong with that.

Mario: Agreed. Who are the fighters by-a the way?

Guardian: Look for yourself.

Mario: *gasps*

Kirby: Oh, yeah!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I have this headcanon that Roy forgot to update his ID when he returned to Smash so he's still registered as being 15 despite not actually being 15.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	7. VS ???

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The duo becomes a trio.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally unlocked Cloud and had the time of my life playing as him but I kept messing up cross slashes because muscle memory from playing Marth and Roy makes me press B multiple times when you're supposed to hold it.

Mario: I didn’t expect our choices to be-a Marth, a-Sheik and-a Villager.

Kirby: Doesn’t seem like a hard choice to me.

Mario: Villager could-a prove advantageous thanks to his-a weirdness and=a unique fighting style.

Kirby: He’s a serial killer. Isabelle’s been covering for him all this time!

Mario: Sheik is-a stealthy and-a smart, she’s probably the best-

Kirby: Don’t worry, Marth! We’re coming for you!

Mario: Wait, a-Kirby! We’ll surely meet other swordsmen-a soon and you know-a Marth. He’s... Um... A-unique.

Kirby: He’s approaching us!

Mario: Marth doesn’t approach. Oh, God... He’s approaching us.

Marth: Can you two like leave? I have a live stream to watch.

Mario: Oh, we’ll-a gladly leave.

Kirby: If you join us you can watch the new iPhone reveal in 4k!

Mario: Don’t-a lie to him, a-Kirby! We don’t even have any-a food.

Kirby: That’s okay, Marth doesn’t like eating anyway. We won’t have to share the little resources we have with him.

Marth: *very sad Marth* So, I won’t get to watch the reveal in 4k?

Mario: O-of-a course, you will! I was just-a joking! Hahaha!

Marth: No, you weren’t!

Mario: Why do you only believe-a things when it’s-a convenient for you?

Kirby: That’s weird, by now he should be back to normal. I think you’re being a bad influence, Mario.

Mario: How? We’re supposed to free him by-a fighting him!

Kirby: So, we’ll fight him. He’s not a God like in Melee, we should be able to take him on.

Marth: Oh, I’m so scared. Can’t somebody save me?

Mario: Before we-a start, what’s your-a type?

Marth: My type? I guess if I could clone myself, I’d date a clone of myself.

Kirby: Wow, I guess getting progressively worse after every Smash game didn’t have any effect on your ego.

Mario: I meant-a grab, attack, a-shield or-a neutral...

Marth: Why would I tell you?

Mario: You just-a told us who your ideal partner would-a be.

Marth: I’ve gotta be grab!

Mario: In-a Ultimate.

Marth: Um, I don’t know...

Kirby: All right, this is taking too much time. Marth, all your clones are better than you in Ultimate. No one cares about you anymore. You’ll never win CYL. You have a noodle sword. You look girlier in every Smash game.

Marth: ...

Mario: Kirby, you didn’t need to be that-a mean.

Kirby: Marth looks normal now.

Mario: You’ve completely broken him!

Kirby: He’s been broken since Melee ended!

Marth: You know, he’s got a point, Mario.

Mario: Um... Welcome-a back?

Master Hand: So, you chose Marth... I’m not going to let you have the other two.

Kirby: Oh, it’s ok. We didn’t really like the other two that much.

Marth: Yeah! Fuck them! They can rot in low tier!

Mario: I miss when you only spoke-a Japanese...

Master Hand: Honestly, same here. *leaves*

Marth: Let’s go watch the live stream in 4k! I can’t wait to get the new iPhone!

Mario: ... Why are you still the exact same-a person?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I headcanon that Marth really likes iPhones. I don't even know where it came from. I just randomly thought of it while writing another fic and now you can't convince me that Marth wouldn't own one if he had the opportunity to own one.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	8. VS Charlotte Aulin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richter makes an appearance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was a new Final Fantasy VII Remake trailer and they were too scared to show Cloud in a dress. That's the main reason I'm exited, I want to see Cloud in a dress in HD. I legit only started playing FFVII for the crossdressing scene. The game's awesome btw.

Mario: That girl’s got a tome. She must be a mage, we should be careful.

Marth: Mages aren’t hard to beat. They die with just one hit.

Mario: We’re not trying to kill her!

Kirby: Can’t kill what’s dead.

Mario: Kirby, no one actually died when Galeem attacked.

Marth: Oh, thank goodness. I thought the cashier from the Apple store had died. I’m glad I’ll be able to get my new iPhone soon.

Charlotte: Are you three vampires?

Kirby: Usually not. I’ve never tried using a vampire copy ability.

Charlotte: If you have any chance of being a vampire, I must eliminate you.

Kirby: Do I look like a vampire to you?

Charlotte: I suppose not.

Marth: Now that that’s settled, we should leave and go to the-

Richter: What are you traitors doing with her?

Mario: Traitors?

Richter: You betrayed our lord Galeem.

Marth: He was never our lord. I’m not bowing down to a ball or anyone for that matter.

Mario: He’s mind-controlling you!

Richter: You lie. You just want to ruin his reputation, you dirty smear merchants.

Kirby: Look, Richter, we were having a conversation without you. You barging in is extremely rude. You should leave and go think about your actions.

Richter: *surprised*

Charlotte: You stood up to him! How cool! I don’t know what you’re up to but I’ll join you!

Kirby: Hah! I stand up to everyone!

Marth: Except Daddy Sakurai.

Kirby: Shut up! Your attitude’s why he keeps nerfing you in every game.

Mario: Guys, look! The smoke’s cleared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I finally unlocked all the characters in SSBU :D  
Inb4 only bother playing Roy.  
I play Roy every day. He's my boy.  
Today I wasted orbs for him in FEH, he came home and I still had orbs left. Ty, Roy, Ily.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	9. The boys fail at camping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A tired man, a bitchy teenager and a kirby go camping, what could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally supposed to be a VS chapter, but this happened and it became too long for me to include anything else.

Mario: It looks like-a the gate to enter the town is-a closed.

Marth: No way! How am I supposed to get my new iPhone? I always get my iPhones on release date and get Roy to pay for them.

Kirby: Which Roy? We’re missing both Roys.

Marth: Our boy.

Kirby: But they’re both our boys.

Mario: Can you two stop-a goofing around and help me-a find a place to spend-a the night.

Kirby: There are some bushes we can sleep on top of. If it gets cold, we can light one on fire.

Marth: I am not sleeping on top of a bush!

Kirby: I’m sorry some of us aren’t rich, Marth. You can sleep on the flowerbed.

Marth: But then I won’t get a nice view of the lake.

Kirby: The lake’s covered in smoke! I don’t get a nice view either!

Mario: Guys, stop arguing and-a help me set up-a camp. Kirby, go get us some-a water. Marth, find something to eat. I’ll-a start a fire.

Marth: But I don’t know anything about food. I should take care of the fire. I’m an expert when it comes to fire.

Mario: Marth, being roommates with-a Roy and-a Ike does not make you an expert on-a fire.

Kirby: You know what, I should take care of the food! I know everything about food.

Mario: Kirby, you’ll-a eat it on the way.

Kirby: Fine. You take care of the food, you know how to cook. I take care of the fire. Marth gets water.

**Near the lake.**

Marth: I can’t believe I have to do something. I always pay someone to do everything for me except playing Melee. You spirits are of no help!

Eevee: Eevee. _(No shit, we don’t have bodies.)_

Marth: Can’t you evolve into a water-type pokemon or something? You’d be way more useful that way.

Eevee: Eevee!_ (I don’t have a body for fuck’s sake!)_

**Near the town**.

Mario: No luck, there’s no way-a in. I suppose I should-a go to the lake and-a fish.

**Back at the lake.**

Mario: Marth, what the Hell are you-a doing?

Marth: I’m throwing rocks covered in water to make it evolve.

Mario: That is not how it-a evolves!

Eevee: Eevee!_ (Not to mention I can’t evolve without my body!)_

Marth: It’s not?

Mario: Forget it, let’s-a head back to camp.

**At the camp.**

Kirby: Okay, I might have accidentally set the bushes on fire.

Marth: I’m not sharing the flower bed.

Mario: So where are we supposed to-a sleep?

Marth: On the tiny flowerbed right next to my big flowerbed.

Kirby: I place dibs on it! Mario, you’re sleeping on the grass.

**After a dinner consisting of berries and leaves that Mario foun**d.

Mario: I guess we could go for a swim at-a the lake since there are no-a showers.

Marth: No showers? I’ve showered every single day since joining Smash. And we don’t even have swimming suits.

Kirby: Just jump in the water fully clothed or something. I don’t know how you humans shower.

Marth: But we don’t have soap. We’re going to stink in the morning.

Mario: You and-a Kirby are going to sleep on top of-a flowers! You’ll-a smell like flowers in-a the morning. I’m going to smell like-a grass, don’t you know how it-a makes me feel?

Kirby: To be fair, Mario, we don’t really care how you feel.

**In the middle of the night.**

Mario: *returning from doing his business in the burnt bushes* Marth and-a Kirby look like-a babies in their sleep. Meanwhile, I’m-a here on uncomfortable grass failing to fall asleep. Being a grown-ass man-a sucks.

**The next morning.**

Marth: Wow, I really do smell like flowers!

Kirby: Me too!

Mario: I’m not going to mention anything about-a smells. Anyways, it looks like we’ll have to pick between-a two paths.

Marth: Let’s take the one to the right. No matter the consequences, it will always be the right path.

Mario: Why, just-a why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Next time, we will meet the guy who got his meme line stolen by Shulk.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	10. VS Reyn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time someone actually fights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Reyn, his meme line was stolen by Shulk.

Mario: Did anyone here play Xenoblade? I think I know who he is but I can’t remember his name.

Kirby: I have no idea who we’re dealing with.

Reyn: Now it’s Reyn time!

Marth: He stole Shulk’s line!

Kirby: Can we copystrike him?

Reyn: Actually, he stole my line.

Marth: Hey, I think I know this guy. He was in this fanfic I found.

Kirby: You read fanfic too?

Mario: Guys, focus! We need to get him on our side.

Marth: Leave that to me. I can recruit anyone I want whenever I want.

Reyn: Come at me!

Marth: *death glare* Did you just taunt? You just taunted, right?

Reyn: Um...

Marth: You’ve obviously never been in a real fight before. You just performed the most powerful combo in existence.

Reyn: Wait, isn’t that a good thing?

Marth: It is. For me. You just performed the taunt to get bodied combo. You’re already dead.

Reyn: W-what!? *gets beaten up*

Mario: Welcome to the team?

Reyn: Um... Thank you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Taunt to get bodied is the most effective combo in Smash.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	11. VS Chespin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not really

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chespin's my dad favorite pokemon. I have a chespin plushie called Greenie and my dad loves him more than me :(

Marth: Aw… Look at those cute chespins.

Mario: Now’s not the time to fawn over them. We need to get them to join us.

Kirby: I don’t get it. What’s the point of recruiting all these spirits? They’re never helping us.

Mario: We need to free them.

Chespin: Chespin! _(Thank you!)_

Marth: So what do we do with these chespins?

Kirby: Maybe we can get them to plant vegetables for us?

Mario: You guys just want to exploit them!

Marth: Don’t worry, they’ll get paid.

Mario: You’re paying them.

Marth: Of course not. I’d never pay someone. You’re paying.

Chespin: Ches! _(Nice!)_

Mario: But I don’t have the money to pay them living wages.

Kirby: That’s not our problem.

Chespin: Chespin!_ (Yes! Now submit all of your life’s savings to me.)_

Mario: I’m the oldest one here! Why am I letting them get their way all the time?

Chespin: Chespin… _(Because you suck, Mario…)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Next time's gonna be a bit weird because fruits apparently have spirits. Checkmate, vegans.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	12. VS Bonus Fruit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirby saves fruit from vegans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some spirit choices are plain weird

Marth: Look guys there’s a treasure box over there! I bet there’s an iPhone in it!

Kirby: No way! It’s definitely food.

Mario: You two are in for-a disappointment.

Kirby: In your dreams!

Bonus Fruit: You shall not pass.

Kirby: Food!

Marth: Eh!? Fruits have souls?

Bonus Fruit: Do you believe us to be soulless?

Marth: I mean... I’ve never heard of a fruit having a soul.

Kirby: Wait, but this is a good thing for us!

Mario: What? How?

Kirby: Vegans will stop eating fruit and there won’t be vegans anymore. Now no one will question my eating habits!

Bonus Fruit: You’re going to save us from the vegans?

Kirby: Of course!

Bonus Fruit: *crying* T-thank you so much! You may access the treasure box.

Marth: iPhone 11 here I come!

Kirby: I can’t wait to have a nice meal!

Mario: I’m-a looking forward to seeing your-a reactions.

Marth: There’s... Spirit points?

Bonus Fruits: Our life’s savings. This is the currency in the area.

Kirby: I suppose we could use them to buy food. But there are no shops open because everyone’s gone! This is all your fault, Bonus Fruit!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Checkmate, vegans. Whatcha gonna eat now?
> 
> See you guys next time!


	13. VS Blaze the Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I play WoL, I forget I can use characters besides Marth. On my save files, I've only played Marth since unlocking him.

Mario: It’s-a Blaze!

Kirby: You know that cat?

Mario: I met her at-a the Olympics.

Marth: They let YOU into the Olympics? But you’re so out of shape!

Kirby: Pretty ironic, coming from the person who has to be forced into eating food. You can’t live off of salad.

Marth: I did way better when I only ate salad!

Mario: Guys, the floor’s on-a fire.

Marth: It is?

Kirby: Let’s all jump on the platforms that are conveniently not on fire!

Mario: We need someone to go-a fight her. Marth, you know all there is to know about-a fire, right?

Marth: Of course, my- Wait a minute! Yesterday, you said being roommates with Roy did not make me a fire expert!

Mario: Um... But you know how to deal with-a fire since-a Roy’s your BFF or something.

Marth: Wait, are you afraid of fire?

Kirby: Ooh! Mario’s scared of a little fire!

Mario: I’m not afraid of-a the fire! I’ll-a face Blaze on my own since you two are-a so incompetent!

Blaze: So you’ve chosen to fight me, Mario. I’ll have you know I’ve improved from our last meeting at the Olympics.

Mario: So have-

Kirby: Hey, bitch! Come and face me!

Marth: Yeah! Go to furry hell!

Blaze: I don’t know if I should be more insulted by that ball calling me a bitch when I’m a cat or by that girl calling me a furry.

Mario: Yeah, me neither.

Blaze: If I take away the fire will they stop being mean to me?

Mario: I-a hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> But in all honesty, how is Mario allowed to compete in the Olympics?
> 
> See you guys next time!


	14. VS Kammy Koopa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tensions arise because of Kammy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My WiFi and Ethernet are not working :P

Mario: It’s-a Kammy Koopa!

Marth: Gee, do you know everyone?

Kirby: Huh? She just disappeared?

Marth: You’re just going blind. She’s… Um… Over there!

Mario: She’s a powerful-a witch. We should-a be careful.

Kirby: Looks like we’ll have to guess where she is.

Marth: You losers have to.

Mario: Marth, please stop-a lying to yourself. You can’t-a see her.

Kammy: Haha!!! You fools think you can take me on?

Kirby: Well, we have saved the world multiple times. It’s practically our pass time. Right, guys? Guys?

Kammy: I turned them invisible. Now you won’t know who you’re hitting until it’s too late.

Mario: Guys, she has a wand and it’s-a visible! If we- Ouch! Who did-a that?

Marth: Sorry, my hand slipped.

Mario: What are-a you? Nine?

Marth: I suppose so. I _am_ part of the nine-year-old army.

Kammy: Haha! Looks like my little spell has caused you two fight between yourselves.

Marth: Aw… How cute. But we fight all the time. It’s really nothing special. We would have fought regardless of your intervention.

Kammy: W-what!? You mean all of this was for nothing?

Kirby: Yep!

Mario: Um… If you want to make-a people fight each other you could-a join our-a side.

Kammy: I suppose I will get more chances to mess with people if I’m with you guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I hope I can get my WiFi fixed tomorrow.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	15. VS Gravity Suit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hardest battle yet /s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's lunch break and I'm bored.

Mario: Samus! You must-a come to your-a senses!

Kirby: Doesn’t look like there’s anyone inside?

Marth: So suits have spirits too... Do you guys think my tiara also has a spirit?

Mario: For everyone’s-a sake, I hope it-a doesn’t.

Marth: You’re just jealous because you know your cap doesn’t stand a chance against my tiara.

Mario: You have to change-a tiara every game. I think your-a tiara should-a be scared of-a me.

Kirby: You two are pathetic, wearing clothes. Pff.

Mario: Forget it. We need to fight-a the suit.

Kirby: But if Samus isn’t in it, it shouldn’t be able to attack us.

Marth: Let’s just walk past it.

Mario: There’s a mine not-a far from here, we might-a be able to spend-a the night-a there.

Kirby: Can’t we go back to the flower bed?

Mario: We’re not-a going back. Now let’s-a go!

Marth: I feel like my armor’s gotten heavier.

Mario: Serves you-a right for-a making fun of me for not-a wearing any.

Kirby: I can’t jump as high as before. Do you guys think it’s because of the gravity suit?

Marth: We need to stop it.

Mario: I think I-a have an idea. *knocks over suit*

Gravity Suit: *stops gravity manipulation*

Mario: Much better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> WiFi's back! :D
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	16. VS Charlie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marth gets the least lines for once

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll upload another chapter later today if I remember.

Marth: We’re almost at the- Aaahh!!! *slips and falls* Ow... That hurt...

Kirby: Idio- *slips* Woah! What’s going on here?

Mario: We need to be-a careful. We can’t afford to fall-a down the cliff. It’s almost-a night time, getting back-a up will be-a hard.

Marth: Forget night time, we’ll die if we fall off!

Charlie: So be it.

Kirby: Did you make the ground slippery?

Charlie: As a matter of fact, yes.

Marth: Can you please let us go to the mine and attack us tomorrow?

Charlie: I can’t afford to do that. That’s my mine.

Mario: I’m afraid we’ll-a have to take it from-a you.

Kirby: Yeah and once that mine is ours, we’re going to go mining for diamonds!

Charlie: You play Minecraft?

Kirby: I do, not sure about the others. Marth likes Pewdiepie so he must have played it at least once and I couldn’t care less about Mario.

Charlie: Can we play Minecraft together?

Kirby: Sure! Will you let us sleep in the mine.

Charlie: Of course! Feel free to stay as long as you want to.

Mario: Than-

Charlie: Do YOU play Minecraft?

Mario: I’m-a open to trying.

Charlie: Okay, you can stay. Follow me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Minecraft being cool again thanks to Pewds has to be one of my favorite parts of 2019. That game was my childhood.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	17. Exploring a mine shaft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys play Minecraft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Mario, he's the butt of all my jokes. Usually, it's Marth but I don't have a character who can make consistent Marth jokes right now.

Charlie: Here’s the mine, feel free to stay as long as you need to.

Marth: Wow, it’s surprisingly beautiful. I can see my reflection in the water.

Kirby: Looks like our only problem’s going to be food.

Mario: At-a least, we’ll-a be safe from the rain. But it might-a get-a cold in-a here and it’s-a very humid.

Marth: Wait! How are we supposed to clean ourselves?

Kirby: We jump in the water. Mario can get you some flowers while he looks for food.

Mario: Why am I the one who has to look for-a food?

Kirby: You said Marth and I were unreliable.

Mario: Ugh... Fine but don’t expect anything-a nice.

**In the nearby forest.**

Mario: It’s always-a me doing all-a the work! And I never get-a rewarded for it! Oh, there’s an apple. And no one ever respects-a me! Oh, some-a nuts.

Charlie: Mario, are you okay?

Mario: And then people have the nerve to ask-a me if I’m- Oh, there are some-a berries.

Charlie: ... Okay...

**Meanwhile in the mine.**

Kirby: Brr! It’s cold in here! Can’t you share your cape with me?

Marth: No, it’s my cape! It’s your fault you don’t have one.

Kirby: Imagine I’m a cute pichu.

Marth: Ew... Rat.

Kirby: If I was your BFF would you share your cape with me?

Marth: No, I’d expect you to light a fire and to already have a cape.

Kirby: Fine, I’m going to set Mario’s cap on fire when he comes back and then I’ll steal his overalls and use them as a cape.

**Later in the mine.**

Kirby: Give me your cap and overalls or you’ll die!

Mario: Kirby, I’m-a busy making-a dinner. Go play with-a Marth.

Kirby: *gasps*

Marth: What’s for dinner?

Mario: Wait, are you-a hungry?

Marth: O-of course not! I just want to make sure I won’t eat something that will make me gain weight.

Mario: We’re having an apple, nuts and-a berries. Can I borrow your sword to cut-a the apple?

Marth: In your dreams. Borrow Kirby’s.

Kirby: Why mine?

Marth: Yours isn’t a legendary dragon-slaying sword that turns its wielder into a one-man army at its prime.

Kirby: I’m pretty sure Falchion is way past its prime. It looks a bit dull.

Mario: Just give me a fucking knife or-a something!

Kirby: *gives his sword to Mario* You better give me the biggest slices.

**In the middle of the night.**

Charlie: It’s time to play Minecraft!

Kirby: I guess I did promise.

Marth: *half-asleep* What? A tide laid a wine and cats?

Mario: Mamma mia, at this-a time?

Charlie: Kirby told me you were leaving tomorrow so we need to play tonight.

Marth: Great, I’ll put my bed here and sleep. You noobs better get your beds. *goes back to sleep*

Charlie: Smart move.

Mario: Smart-a move? I’ve never played-a Minecraft, what must I-a do?

Charlie: Mine and craft.

Kirby: I guess we need beds. I think I’ve already found mine! *punches Mario and takes his hat*

Mario: What was that-a for?

Kirby: I needed my bed. Goodnight, loser. *goes to sleep*

Charlie: It’s just you and I. We must be careful with the creepers.

Mario: Mamma mia...

**The next morning.**

Kirby: I slept like a baby! Hi, Marth. What happened to your head? It’s covered in blood.

Marth: I hit my head against a rock... I never thought I’d miss waking up and seeing my room on fire.

Kirby: Just what goes on in your room?

Marth: *shrugs*

Kirby: Let’s see if Mario’s gotten us some breakfast.

Mario: Mamma mia.

Kirby: His eyes are red! He’s evil again!

Mario: I got no-a sleep. Was up-a larping... I don’t want to play-a Minecraft ever again.

Kirby: False alarm. Did you get us breakfast?

Mario: *faints dramatically*

Kirby: You know, Marth, I always thought you’d be the first one of us to faint dramatically.

Marth: Not going to lie, me too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Last chapter of the day. Will post more tomorrow :)
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	18. VS Don Bongo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He falls off stage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My schedule is really just "upload at least one thing per day".

Marth: Guys, we need to go back to the flowerbed.

Mario: Why?

Marth: We stink! You didn’t bring any flowers back!

Mario: Fine, we’ll go to the flowerbed.

**Later, at the flowerbed.**

Marth: *picking flowers and humming Melee Break the Targets theme*

Don Bongo: Can Don Bongo have flower too?

Marth: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

Kirby: Has anyone ever told you you screamed like a girl?

Marth: Oh, actually there was this one time-

Don Bongo: Which flower is best flower?

Kirby: Don’t interrupt him! I was listening to him.

Don Bongo: Don Bongo sorry.

Kirby: Aw, since you apologized I’ll forgive you.

Mario: Really?

Don Bongo: Don Bongo happy. Don Bongo show gratitude. Follow Don Bongo for mushroom stew.

Kirby: Oh, my God! There’s food!

Don Bongo: Don Bongo live in mushroom forest.

Mario: We look forward to tasting your mushroom stew.

Don Bongo: Don Bongo- *falls off giant mushroom* Don Bongo okay!

Kirby: I’m guessing this means we’re not having mushroom stew...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I keep forgetting there are more characters than Marth that I can play as in WoL.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	19. VS Chargin' Chuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys suck at football.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why's it called football when the players don't even kick the ball?

Chargin’ Chuck: Hello! Do you guys want to play football?

Marth: Isn’t that the game where guys chase a ball like little dogs? It’s so boring.

Chargin’ Chuck: Um... No.

Mario: He’s-a talking about American-a football.

Marth: Oh. It’s still boring.

Kirby: But why is it called football if you don’t even kick the ball?

Mario: I don’t-a know. I didn’t-a name it.

Chargin’ Chuck: Play with me! *throws ball*

Kirby: *catches ball* We don’t even know the rules!

Mario: Can we play actual-a football? As an Italian, I find this-a “football” a disgrace.

Chargin’ Chuck: Why?

Marth: Soccer’s like a really really big deal in Europe.

Chargin’ Chuck: We will play American Football and that’s final! Kirby, pass the ball.

Kirby: *throws ball and falls on his face* This ball’s really messing with my balance!

Mario: *catches the ball* I’m not-a sure how we’re supposed to score. Marth, catch-a the ball! *throws ball*

Marth: *fails and gets hit by the ball in the face* You could have ruined my face forever!

Mario: Shouldn’t you be more-a worried about your already low amount of-a brain cells?

Marth: No! If I die, I want to look good!

Chargin’ Chuck: You guys suck at football! I’m leaving.

Kirby: Bye! Next time we’ll kick your ass!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Football/Soccer really is a big deal in Europe and Latin America. I fucking hate it.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	20. VS Brittany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys finally eat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My mom is coming to visit me tomorrow. She's only played smash 3 times on my 3DS, but I'm gonna make her play on my Switch. Her favorite character is King Dedede.

Kirby: Why do we keep running into Pikmin characters?

Mario: They probably feel at-a home with the mushrooms.

Marth: Pikmin live in mushrooms? No wonder I hate Olimar.

Kirby: You hate everyone who debuted after Melee.

Brittany: Why is that young... human so full of hate?

Mario: He’s a bit of a Melee elitist, don’t-a mind him.

Kirby: *hit by something* Ow! Who did that?

Brittany: Sorry, items keep appearing around me...

Mario: These aren’t just-a any items! These are-a food items.

Kirby: Food!!! Your powers are awesome.

Marth: They’re not there’s nothing but cake! I’m going to gain weight.

Mario: To be honest, you could-a use some extra weight.

Brittany: If you’re on a diet, you can have a kiwi fruit.

Marth: Oh, thank goodness.

Mario: This cake’s-a pretty good.

Brittany: You need to work out more.

Mario: But I work-a out!

Brittany: Eat less cake!

Mario: But it’s-a so good.

Kirby: She’s got a point. Now, why don’t you give your cake to me and eat a kiwi fruit instead?

Mario: But it’s-a my cake!

Kirby: Not anymore. The cake is a lie.

Brittany: That’s not how you use that expression.

Kirby: I am the son of Masahiro Sakurai, I will use expressions however I want to.

Brittany: Y-yes, sir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> Tomorrow there will be a very special chapter.
> 
> See you guys next chapter.


	21. VS Area 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They can't stop us all. If we Naruto run, we can dodge their bullets. We're gonna see them aliens!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's a very big day. It's the day we raid Area 51. We will see them aliens, god damn it!

Kirby: This way- *falls off mushroom* Woah!!!

Mario: Kirby!!! *jumps after Kirby*

Marth: ... *jumps of mushroom with the most annoyed-looking face imaginable*

Kirby: Where are we? The mushrooms have completely disappeared.

Marth: Huh!? This looks like... Area 51?

Kirby: We’re in Area 51!?

Mario: But how did we get-a here?

Marth: We must have fallen through a portal or something.

Kirby: Well, I think there’s only one way for us to get out of here and that includes raiding Area 51. We’re three OP heroes, they can’t stop us all.

Marth: If we Naruto run, we can dodge their bullets.

Mario: Are you two-a serious?

Marth: Of course, I want my own alien.

Kirby: We’re going to see them aliens!

Mario: Oh, boy... This can’t-a end well.

Officer: You can’t be- *gets kicked in the face by Marth*

Marth: Screw the rules, I’ve got money. Quick, before they catch up!

**Inside Area 51.**

Kirby: Okay, we’re lost.

Mario: It took you this-a long to figure that-a out?

Marth: I’m sure if we ask nicely the guards will show us the way.

Mario: Marth, you kicked-a every single one of them in-a the face.

Marth: They had it coming, I could sense they were going to call me “miss”.

Mario: That’s not-

Marth: And they were totally mentally undressing me while getting all the parts wrong!

Kirby: Who cares about the guards? Let’s just find the aliens and leave.

Guard: You guys are under arrest. The president will make sure to personally condemn your actions.

Marth: Can I have his autograph? What was his name again? Bush? Wait, is the president actually a bush?

Mario: It’s not-a 2001 anymore, Marth! The president isn’t a bush.

Kirby: You know it would be pretty cool to have an actual bush as a president. I wonder how it would run the country. I was rooting for Harambe last election. This year I’m rooting for this gamer dude.

Mario: You two don’t-a know anything about-a the US...

Kirby: We know they’re hiding aliens in here and that’s all that matters.

Guard: Um... Do you guys belong in an insane asylum?

Mario: Honestly, yes.

Guard: After them!

Marth: If we Naruto-

Mario: Ain’t nobody got-a time for-a that, follow me!

Kirby: Hey, who made you the leader?

Marth: Yeah, I should be the leader. I know how to run a country.

Mario: You abandoned Altea because it didn’t-a have-a hot-a showers.

Marth: And it’s never going to have hot showers!

Kirby: You’re the reason there will never be any technological progress in Archanea. Robin, Chrom and Lucina are proof of that!

Marth: But they’re New Mystery of the Emblem Marth’s descendants, I’m Mystery of the Emblem Marth. The hands forced me to put on pants!

Mario: That’s a cute conversation you two are-a having but now is not the time to talk about-a Marth.

Kirby: Fine... Let’s hide behind this conveniently placed door. *opens door*

**One big flash of light later.**

Mario: We’re-a back at the mushroom forest!

Marth: W-we... W-we didn’t get to see them aliens! *crying*

Kirby: Fuck this mission! *sobbing* Life’s not worth it.

Marth: I wanted an alien! I was going to call him Hero-Alien and he was going to be my new best friend.

Kirby: Did you just assume the alien’s gender?

Mario: Kirby, your sense of humor is-a stuck in-a 2016...

Kirby: Fook you, boomer!

Mario: I’m not a- Forget it, let’s-a just go-a save the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> 2 fics about Kirby raiding Area 51 and crying about not getting an alien lol.  
Fun fact, Melee is the first game where Marth is playable and wears pants. In Mystery of the Emblem, he only had pants in the artwork. Smash really changed Marth a lot, forced him to wear pants, made him more feminine (why does he look more and more like a girl with every game?) and gave him a bitchy aura. I still love both FE and Smash Marth.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	22. VS Farfetch'd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Get in the boat!" - Marth totally not stealing Pewdiepie's line

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a monitor and ethernet adaptor. I'll be able to experience online...
> 
> I'm about to see my win rate go to 0% lol.

Marth: *singing Po Pi Po*

Mario: Can you please stop singing vocaloid songs?

Marth: *sings Levan Polka*

Mario: Just stop singing.

Kirby: That Farfetch’d seemed to like it.

Farfetch’d: *dances*

Marth: Yay! Can we keep it?

Mario: Fine, but I’m not making food for him.

Marth: You’re going to be my new best friend! I’ll call you Tom!

Farfetch’d: *gives a flower to Marth*

Marth: Why thank you, Tom!

Kirby: A bunch of clouds just disappeared!

Marth: Square Enix really hates us...

Mario: Clouds as in clouds, not Cloud Strife.

Farfetch’d: *leads the boys to a lake*

Kirby: It’s the lake! It looks so much better without the clouds covering it.

Marth: There’s even a boat we can use to cross it! *gets in the boat* Get in the boat!

Kirby: We’re going on a boat trip! We’re going on a boat trip! *gets in the boat*

Mario: Does anyone here know how to drive a boat?

Marth: *glares at Farfetch’d* You’re not my best friend anymore.

Farfetch’d: *sad farfetch’d noises*

Mario: You already have a best friend, Marth.

Marth: Technically I don’t.

Kirby: I can’t believe it! First, I don’t get my alien. Now I don’t get my boat trip!

Mario: Guess it’s back to the mushrooms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Playing against total noobs is hard because they button mash and you never know what they'll do. Except when they're offstage, they don't know how to recover.
> 
> See you guys next chapter.


	23. VS Gryll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I didn't make a Bear Grylls joke :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I wish spirits didn't transfer between save files because at some point I'm gonna have X spirit appearing before being unlocked.
> 
> By the time I finish WoL, my Marth's gonna be complete garbage.

Kirby: Gryll... I know that guy!

Marth: That’s nice.

Kirby: We fought... I can’t remember why. You know, I don’t really remember anything outside of Smash.

Marth: Same here. Just make up something that will satisfy Mario.

Kirby: Mario, did you know Gryll gave me free cakes last week.

Mario: There is no way in hell that’s true.

Kirby: Oh, well. It was worth a try.

Gryll: Hi, Kirby.

Kirby: Remember when you gave me free cake?

Gryll: No? It must not have been important if I forgot it.

Mario: *face palms*

Marth: *takes out a grill* What are we grilling?

Kirby: Oh, I don’t know... Gryll, do you have any food?

Mario: Why do you even have a grill? You don’t even know how to BBQ!

Marth: I will have you know that in Fire Emblem there is a lot of BBQing. A lot.

Gryll: I don’t have food, but I can go get some thanks to my warp stars.

Kirby: Mind giving us some?

Gryll: Su- They all warped away!

Kirby: Guess you’re stuck with us. It’s not that bad, to be honest.

Marth: Except we’re homeless, don’t have any resources, don’t have any deodorant, soap, showers or toothpaste. And I’m the only good-looking person on the team. Which wouldn’t be a problem if Mario wasn’t a zero out of ten.

Mario: That’s the least of our worries! And I’m at least a three!

Marth: I’m the Math genius here. You’re a zero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I played online for the first time ever. Only had time for three matches. I could have won the second one if I hadn't SD'd on my first stock like a pathetic piece of shit. I deserved that loss so much.  
I thought I was gonna get three-stocked in every match. I'm still shit but I'm more motivated to improve my Roy. Gonna have to drop everyone else for a while.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	24. VS Iridescent Glint Beetle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marth is scared of bugs. But bugs are more afraid of him than he is of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A mosquito destroyed my legs while I was working on IT stuff.
> 
> This is life as a blood type O.

Beetle: *minding its own business*

Marth: Eek!!! There’s a giant bug! Someone spray bug spray!

Beetle: *starts running away*

Mario: Marth, that beetle is more afraid of than you are of it.

Marth: Good, it should be scared of me.

Kirby: I’ve never eaten a beetle before. I wonder what it tastes like.

Beetle: *speeds up*

Marth: Link ate a beetle once. You should ask him about it once we find him.

Kirby: We need to find that guy. He’ll be really useful. He can even cook.

Marth: *drooling* Link’s cooking~

Kirby: Is he really that good?

Marth: Seeing as thinking of his cooking makes me hungry and I’m never hungry, yes.

Kirby: You know, you’re making me regret choosing to save you first.

Marth: But if you hadn’t chosen me, you would have never considered tasting beetle!

Kirby: Great point, guess you were the right choice after all.

Beetle: *starts crying*

Mario: Don’t worry little guy, I won’t let anyone hurt you.

Beetle: *happy bug noises*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Last night, I got to watch a tournament after not having watched anything since EVO GFs. I missed watching them but all my favs lost lol. I feel like I cursed them.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	25. VS Master Belch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It stinks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time we're unlocking a fighter.

Marth: God, it smells like fucking shit. I want to puke.

Mario: Marth, language!

Marth: I don’t feel well, I’m gonna sit down for a bit.

Kirby: No one cares Marth.

Marth: Ew! The floor is sticky! I’m going to vomit...

Kirby: Haha! What a pussy!

Mario: Kirby, language!

Master Belch: May I be of assistance to you?

Marth: I’m definitely vomiting now.

Kirby: So you’re responsible for the shitty smell!

Master Belch: What smell?

Marth: He must have gotten so used to smelling himself he can’t tell he’s making us suffocate.

Mario: Um, Master Belch, can we take you to the lake?

Master Belch: Are we going to swim?

Marth: Wait, Mario! He’ll make the water dirty.

Kirby: I have an idea! Master Belch, can you walk in a straight line?

Master Belch: Of course. *starts walking*

Kirby: Carry on, carry on.

Master Belch: *falls off mushroom*

Marth: We finally got rid of the stench. Guess I won’t puke after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> You know what would be awesome? If Binding Blade gets a remake around the same time as Smash 6 but Binding Blade is delayed so Roy ends up debuting in Smash before his own game again.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	26. VS Olimar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olimar abuses his pikmin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> His pikmin's names are the names given to them in Ultimate Summit 1.
> 
> Red pikmin = Lawrence (Laurence? Idk...)  
Blue pikmin = Billy  
Yellow pikmin = Sandy  
White pikmin = Dexter  
Purple pikmin = Monique

Kirby: Treasure chest! Treasure chest!

Marth: Out of the way! Oh, it’s just some gay spheres. Why can’t we get useful stuff like an iPhone 11?

Mario: They’re skill spheres and they’ll be very useful for our journey, unlike your iPhone.

Kirby: Let’s just go.

Mario: Wait, there’s a place we haven’t visited yet.

Marth: Um... Am I seeing things or is Olimar floating over there?

Kirby: You’re right! How do we get to him?

Mario: Kiby, you can jump towards him.

Kirby: And fall to my death, no thanks.

Mario: Maybe we could use the spirits to make mushrooms grow.

Marth: Oh, because that’s totally going to work.

Mario: If we ask nicely.

Marth: Oh, great spirits! Hear our thoughts and make mushrooms grow with thee great powers!

*mushrooms appear*

Marth: ... Okay...

Mario: Let’s go get Olimar.

Kirby: Olimar stop abusing your pikmin!

Olimar: They deserved it. They are weak. They won’t satisfy Lord Galeem.

Marth: Monique, Billy, Lawrence, Sandy and Dexter have feelings! You never asked them if they agreed to be fucked by Galeem!

Olimar: What is wrong with you!? My pikmin are not worthy of being fucked by the great and mighty Lord Galeem.

Marth: Wait, so you’re the one who’s being fucked by-

Kirby: Marth, how do you even get these ideas?

Marth: There’s this website called-

Mario: No time for that, we need to convince Olimar to join us.

Monique (purple): Please, he keeps abusing us.

Lawrence (red): He threw me against a window!

Sandy (yellow): He forced me to swim in trash...

Dexter (white): He made me eat rotten onions.

Billy (blue): He beats me up every day.

Mario: I think I’ve got an idea. You guys need to react negatively to what I’m about to say.

Pikmin: *nod*

Mario: Olimar! Which do you love more Galeem or abusing pikmin?

Olimar: Lord Galeem allows me to abuse pikmin.

Mario: Well, we have the best way to torture pikmin.

Monique: W-what!? You’ve got to be kidding!

Mario: I am not. Forcing the pikmin to hang out with Marth and Kirby is the cruelest thing you can make them do.

Olimar: Let me join you!

Mario: Of course!

Monique: Will he stop abusing us?

Mario: I’ll make sure he doesn’t hurt you ever again.

Monique: Thank you!

Kirby: We’re not a trio anymore... It kinda feels wrong.

Alph: Um, hi, guys. I’ve been hiding from the world ever since the attack happened. Have I missed much?

Kirby: Who the fuck are you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Everyone always forgets about Alph lol.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	27. VS Rabbid Kong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olimar has his first encounter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fighting bosses in Ultimate makes me want to cry. I suck against them and feel like turning down the difficulty to easy but I don't know if I can turn it back up to hard afterwards.

Marth: Guys look! There’s a cute bunny in the bushes.

Mario: Marth, wait! That’s not a bunny.

Rabbid Kong: Who dares refer to me as a bunny.

Marth: U-um,,, It was Olimar!

Rabbid Kong: Olimar, we shall fight! Our battle will be legendary.

Olimar: I am the destroyer of worlds. Lorenzo-

Lawrence: It’s Lawrence!

Olimar: Whatever, prepare for battle.

Kirby: You two are really going to duke it out?

Olimar: Of course, I don’t intend to lose. If I win, I get your cape-tie thing.

Rabbid Kong: All right, if I win, I get your wife.

Olimar: My wife’s kinda dead at the moment. I haven’t seen her or my children.

Kirby: Olimar’s married? I can’t even get a date but Olimar’s fucking married?

Marth: You keep rejecting everyone.

Kirby: They don’t deserve me.

Rabbid Kong: Fine, I want your finest lady.

Olimar: We’ve got no fine ladies, will Marth do?

Marth: Excuse me!? I’m royalty, you can’t just give me up to a legless monkey-rabbit! Why don’t you give him Monique?

Olimar: I need Monique.

Monique: *in tears* O-Olimar.

Marth: Sandy?

Olimar: I need her too.

Sandy: Y-you care about us?

Rabbid Kong: I suppose I do prefer an annoying guy that looks like a girl over whatever a pikmin is.

Marth: I’m kicking his ass!

Alph: Can I help?

Marth: No!

Rabbid Kong: ... I’m just going to leave.

Kirby: Okay, guys, I have an idea.

Mario: Kirby, I know what you’re going to say and I’m not going to-

Kirby: What if we bribe all our enemies by telling them we’ll give them one of us?

Mario: Kirby, leave the planning to the people who can plan.

Kirby: But none of us here can plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Tomorrow a new fighter joins the roster.
> 
> See you guys next chapter.


	28. VS Pac-Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The foursome becomes a fivesome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try fighting a boss today. Will it end with me being depressed? Probably.

Olimar: Looks like there’s a forest and some ruins nearby. We could spend the night there.

Mario: Finally someone who thinks rationally.

Marth: I think rationally. I’m the only one here who’s good at Math.

Kirby: Well, I- Hey! Who threw that?

Pac-Man: It was me.

Marth: Ugh... Does this mean you’re joining us?

Pac-Man: I’ll never-

Marth: Betray Lord Galeem, bla bla bla. We’ve been through this already.

Mario: You’ve only been through this once, Marth.

Pac-Man: So, I’m not getting a chapter dedicated to me?

Marth: No. Why am I the only good looking person here? I’m stuck with balls and guys with huge noses. I’m tired of being hot all the time.

Kirby: But Marth, your hotness tier list is comprised of two tiers: Marth and everyone that isn’t Marth.

Marth: No one deserves to be in the same tier as me.

Pac-Man: This is my chapter and I want my screentime!

Olimar: Fine, we will fight. We’re both similar you know.

Kirby: Boring, mainly round and surprisingly married.

Marth: Pac-Man’s married too?

Kirby: I wonder if they’re hiding their rings underneath their gloves.

Mario: That would explain why we’ve never seen them without- Wait, why am I joining your conversation?

Pac-Man: I can’t believe it... I finally get to appear and everyone’s stealing my screentime.

Olimar: ... If you join us you’ll get more screentime.

Pac-Man: Really?

Olimar: Well... More than if you don’t join us and definitely more than Alph.

Kirby: Look! Some clouds cleared out.

Marth: I didn’t know there was a base there.

Mario: You’ve never been here, of course, you didn’t know there was a base there.

**Somewhere else.**

Galeem: No! Another fighter has been awakened. Well... At least, I didn’t care that much about him. I need to protect the hot ones, I’ve gotta at least make one of my lemon fics come true. For now, I’ll send someone to the base.

**Back with the boys.**

Mario: We’ll have to go visit that base.

Marth: Ugh, but I’m tired. I want to sleep.

Kirby: That’s why you suck at Ultimate, you spend too much time sleeping instead of training.

Marth: I train all the time!

Olimar: For Melee. Until today, you refused to talk to me.

Kirby: To be fair, I can’t really blame him.

Pac-Man: Let’s all get along and go to the base.

Kirby: Yes, but first. Can you give me an apple? I’m starving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm so glad I could unlock Marth early because I'd be depressed if I had to fight bosses as a character I don't know how to play. My kirby doesn't stand a chance against the bosses :(
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	29. VS Mite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mites get no lines :O

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never played Brawl. I don't think I'd be able to handle the tripping or the slowness.
> 
> Poor Brawl, it's the only Smash game to be a downgrade from the previous Smash game. At least, it has the best music in the series.

Mario: Be careful, there are mites here.

Marth: Mites?

Mario: Oh, right... I forgot you like to pretend Brawl never happened.

Kirby: Why are there so many of them?

Olimar: There have always been lots of them. We’ll have to defeat them all. Lawrence, prepare for battle.

Lawrence: Y-yes!

Pac-Man: Maybe we should just catch them all.

Kirby: I wanna be the very best!

Marth: Like no one ever was!

Kirby: Dam dam, dadan!

Mario: No, you two are not singing. Now, let’s catch these mites.

**One hour later.**

Marth: That’s all of them. Man, they were so annoying.

Pac-Man: I’m used to chasing after little guys.

Marth: I thought you were married.

Olimar: Why do you always jump to conclusions?

Mario: Guys, we need to deal with these mites.

Kirby: I know! Let’s force the mites to get food for us.

Pac-Man: That’s not a bad idea.

Mario: ... If this fails none of you are getting dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Why is Master Hand so hard in Ultimate? He was so easy in Smash 4. Now I'm stuck fighting Galeem, the first phase is easy af but I keep dying in the second phase. Why are Marth's tippers so tiny? I keep getting sourspots. They're as bad as Melee Roy's sweetspots.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	30. The boys lose Marth in a forest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Marth gets lost, Mario loses his sanity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mario's slowly losing his sanity... Marth the one who's supposed to be the most insane one in all my fics lol

Mario: It looks like we’ll have to fight many people to get to the base. I suppose we’ll have to camp outside.

Pac-Man: There’s a forest nearby.

Kirby: When are the mites coming back? I’m fucking starving.

Olimar: Marth probably asked them to not find anything.

Kirby: Marth, how could you? I thought you were the only sane one besides me.

Marth: I never even talked to them. Although, I think everyone here could afford to lose some weight.

Olimar: Um, I’m normal weight for my species.

Pac-Man: Same here.

Kirby: Me too!

Mario: ... At least, I’ve lost weight.

Marth: Not enough! I need to get my weight back to what it was in Melee.

Mario: Marth, you’ve grown since Melee, you’re never getting your old weight back.

Marth: Fuck you! You always pick on me! I’m leaving! *runs into the forest*

Mario: Marth, wait!

Kirby: Not cool dude, not cool.

**In the forest.**

Kirby: I have gathered you all here to discuss Operation 21. Before we start, any questions?

Olimar: Who made you the leader?

Kirby: I did. Mario’s clearly unfit to be the leader, isn’t that right, Mario?

Mario: I didn’t do anything wrong!

Kirby: That’s what they all say. Moving on. We will split into two groups. Mario and Pac-Man will set up camp and find food. You must get the best food for me and get Marth his flowers.

Mario: I am not-

Kirby: You are getting those flowers, you’re the reason we lost Marth.

Mario: Fine.

Kirby: Olimar and I will look for Marth.

**Somewhere in the forest.**

Marth: I’m lost... I want my friends back... I wish everything could go back to the way it was. I miss my iPhone...

Random squirrel: ?

Marth: What are you looking at?

Random squirrel: *runs away*

Marth: Maybe I should climb a tree, I might find an iPhone 11 there. Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t have anyone to catch me when I want to get down.

**In the bushes.**

Olimar: He’s completely lost it. He wants to climb a tree to find an iPhone.

Kirby: Marth’s actually pretty good at climbing trees. That’s how he found his first iPhone. It was love at first sight.

Olimar: The Melee days must have been crazy.

Kirby: They were the best! What’s Marth doing- He’s gone! God damn it!

**At the camp.**

Pac-Man: All done. It’s getting dark so I’m gonna start a fire.

Mario: That should help the others get back.

Pac-Man: They’re really taking their time.

Mario: And I even got Marth his stupid flowers! Jesus Christ, I feel like his babysitter.

Pac-Man: The forest isn’t too big. Maybe they’re looking for food?

Mario: Marth must have climbed a tree. He’s always climbing trees. We once had to call 911 to get him down because Ocarina of Time Link convinced him iPhones grew on trees.

Pac-Man: Is that why he got replaced by Twilight Princess Link?

**Somewhere else in the forest.**

Olimar: Marth! Marth, where are you?

Kirby: Free iPhones! We have free iPhones, Marth!

Marth: *up a tree* You do?

Kirby: God damn it, Marth! How are you going to get down now?

Marth: I need someone to catch me but I don’t want to be caught by any of you.

Olimar: Pikmins, you know what to do:

Pink pikmins: *fly and get Marth down the tree*

Marth: That’s cheating! I’m climbing back up.

Kirby: No, you are coming with us or I’m destroying your iPhone.

**Back at the camp.**

Mario: Marth, I am sorry for what I said to you earlier. I got you your flowers.

Marth: You don’t mean it.

Mario: Fine, goodnight. Now go to sleep.

Marth: Wait, why do I have to go to sleep?

Kirby: You’re the youngest one here. You have to go to sleep first.

Pac-Man: Must be so nice being young.

Olimar: I don’t know about that...

**The next morning.**

Mario: I made breakfast for all of you and you’re going to like it.

Olimar: Um... I don’t see anything.

Mario: You’re going to like it.

Pac-Man: Did you get any sleep?

Mario: No! Marth talks in his sleep!

Marth: I slept like a baby!

Kirby: But babies don’t talk in their sleep.

Mario: I learned things I never wanted to learn!

Pac-Man: Oh, well... Saving the world is more important than Mario’s health.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I came up with the very stupid headcanon of Marth being good at climbing trees for absolutely no reason while writing I suck at romance. The reason he won't get down unless someone catches him is that he doesn't want to get his clothes dirty.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	31. VS Strangelove

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She is disappointed in R.O.B.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally thought it was Strangeglove...

Marth: Wow, that base is huge.

Olimar: Let’s hurry up and get in there.

Kirby: I bet they have lots of food!

Strangelove: I will not allow you to do that.

Pac-Man: Guys! R.O.B. just appeared!

R.O.B.: You are traitors.

Pac-Man: That’s not true! We saw the light!

R.O.B.: Lord Galeem is made of light.

Mario: He meant it figuratively.

R.O.B.: Figuratively?

Marth: He’s a robot, he doesn’t get metaphors.

Strangelove: What a disappointment.

R.O.B.: I have not disappointed lord Galeem.

Strangelove: But you have disappointed me.

R.O.B.: *leaves*

Strangelove: I hope you boys are less disappointing.

Mario: Um... Yeah, about that...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I just realized that I'm gonna have to fight Galleom again and I took forever to beat him. :(  
Imma change the difficulty when I face him because I'm not fighting him again on hard.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	32. VS Roll Caskett

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diddy makes a cameo, Pac-Man's confused, Marth's hormones are messed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summit voting's going on. So happy Leffen's in. I'm rooting for Armada and my man, Samsora.

Olimar: My suit seems to be falling apart.

Marth; Good, I hope you run out of oxygen and die.

Kirby: Marth! How could you?

Marth: What?

Kirby: That’s not a death boring enough for Olimar!

Pac-Man: Um, Mario? Are they still slightly brainwashed by Galeem?

Mario: Kirby was never brainwashed, as for Marth... From what I’ve heard, he’s been insane since Melee.

Roll Caskett: Don’t worry! I can fix you up!

Pac-Man: You can get rid of their insanity?

Roll Caskett: I was talking about the suit.

Diddy Kong: Don’t get anywhere near those guys!

Roll Caskett: But they’re just in need of my help.

Diddy Kong: They are against our Lord Galeem.

Roll Caskett: Why do you even follow him? What has he ever done for you?

Diddy Kong: He has promised me many bananas.

Marth: Jeez, that guy’s a creep. I’m glad I was freed early on. Who knows what he would have tried on me.

Pac-Man: Did his brainwashing mess up your hormones?

Roll Caskett: Galeem sounds like a total dick! I’m leaving him!

Diddy Kong: Roll, no! I’m telling Galeem! You’re never getting bananas again.

Roll Caskett: I don’t like bananas anyway.

Mario: Um... Let’s just leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> RIP my sleep on summit weekend.
> 
> See you guys next time!


	33. VS Andy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andy's not too smart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting a new character soon.

Olimar: My suit is still falling apart.

Andy: Don’t worry, I’ll fix it for real.

Marth: You’re that guy from what Awakening should have logically been like.

Andy: Um... Close enough.

Mario: What’s with all the explosives?

Andy: Snake got split into eight mini Snakes.

Pac-Man: That must be really hard on him.

Andy: I’ve been trying to fix him but nothing works.

Kirby: You can’t fix humans with screws.

Andy: You can’t?

Mario: You’ll fit in so much.

Mini Snake: Explode! Explode for Lord Galeem!

Marth: I can’t stand it anymore! Why are Galeem worshippers obsessed with accidental innuendos?

Mario: Andy, could you fix this brat’s brain.

Andy: Sorry, I don’t know much about brains.

Kirby: Quick, everyone act surprised!

Olimar: What do we do about the mini Snakes?

Marth: Let’s just kick them out of the way. *kicks a mini Snake*

Kirby: *kicks a mini Snake* Huh, pretty good idea.

**Later.**

Mario: That’s the last of them. We can enter the base.

Marth: It’s locked! We’re going to have to climb over the wall.

Kirby: I can jump over it.

Pac-Man: I can use my trampoline but it has a limited amount of uses so I’ll be the only one capable of using it.

Olimar: I have my vic- pikmin.

Mario: So, we’re stuck here...

Marth: You are.

Mario: A wall is not the same as a tree!

Pac-Man: Hey, there’s a thing on which we can enter a password.

Kirby: Type poopslayer69!

Pac-Man: I can’t I have gloves. Marth, you type it.

Marth: *tries typing* This touch screen is shit! If it was an iPhone, we would already be done!

Olimar: Try pikminsuck420. It’s probably a screen that only works if the password’s right.

Marth: *typing furiously* This crap is broken. *punches screen* ... My hand does not hurt.

Kirby: You didn’t even make a dent! You really are the sourspot!

Marth: Shut up!

Andy: Hey, I think I can help.

Marth: Oh, you wait until I almost break my hand to show up! You suck!

Andy: *sad Andy noises*

Kirby: *breaks screen*

Front gate: *opens*

Kirby: Huh, violence really is the answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Armada and Samsora better make it into summit tonight.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	34. VS Sigma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck Math.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In 50 minutes, we learn who'll be voted into summit.

Kirby: Is that… Is that… The evil guy from Superman?

Pac-Man: Lex Luthor? They don’t look alike besides being bald.

Kirby: Eh, every human looks either like Marth or ugly to me.

Mario: His name is Sigma. He’s the-

Marth: Pff, imagine being named after Math.

Mario: You can’t spell your name without Math.

Marth: Master Hand was the one who translated my name. In Japanese, my name can be spelled without Math. Either way doesn’t stop me from being a Math genius.

Sigma: Who dares insult my name?

Marth: I will have you know unlike you peasant, I am royalty and have every right to insult you and your name as much as I wish.

Olimar: Is Marth getting his old personality back?

Sigma: *speechless*

Marth: So, what do you have to say for yourself?

Sigma: I will respect whatever you say, Hero-King Marth.

Marth: Ew, don’t call me by that.

Kirby: Wow, I forgot Marth used to be a total asshole. He’s been so nice since we freed him from Galeem.

Mario: He’s been worse than usual lately! How did you not notice?

Sigma: You will not insult Hero-King Marth.

Kirby: I knew it! There are only to types of human, Marths and everyone else. You’re secretly a Lucina clone!

Pac-Man: Humans are so fascinating!

Kirby: Nah, they’re idiots.

Mario: You’re an idiot too!

Olimar: … I’m starting to think being under Galeem’s control was more enjoyable.

Pac-Man: On the bright side, your pikmin are suffering much more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I thought Snake was going to be the next character but turns out he's not and now I've gotta come up with new jokes lol
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	35. VS Mega Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are now seven boys. One for every day of the week, for every deadly sin, for... Yeah, I ran out of stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm catching a cold :(  
It's 21 degrees celsius in France and I feel like I'm freezing. Meanwhile, in Denmark where my parents and little brother live Winter's starting.

Kirby: We’re under attack!

Mega Man: All traitors must be eliminated.

Pac-Man: Hey, he’s acting like a robot!

Marth: That’s ‘cause he is one, moron!

Mario: Mega Man, Galeem’s using you, he brainwashed you.

Marth: He’s a robot, he doesn’t have a brain!

Mega Man: My brain has not been washed. I am not worthy enough to be washed by Lord Galeem.

Olimar: Mega Man, I’ve always wondered this. But why do you wear your underwear over your suit?

Mega Man: I do not understand what you’re talking about.

Olimar: ...

Marth: It’s not your fault you’re bad at roasting.

Mega Man: You five must die.

Kirby: May I remind everyone that I’m immortal. I’m literally Jesus and my father’s God.

Mega Man: You are a deity?

Kirby: If you insist.

Mario: Kirby, no. I can’t deal with two people with superiority complexes.

Mega Man: You guys are strange. I’m... having fun.

Marth: Jesus Christ, he has feelings, humanity’s screwed.

Pac-Man: The robot apocalypse is coming?

Mega Man: Can I join you? I never experienced fun with Galeem.

Mario: Of course! We’re glad to have you back, man.

Kirby: A treasure chest!

Marth: Pleasebeaniphonepleasebeaniphonepleasebeaniphone. *opens chest*

Ray Mk II: Thanks for freeing me! I am in your debt.

Marth: *slams chest shut* Let’s leave guys.

Mega Man: Humans have such complex emotions! I have much to learn.

**In the base.**

Olimar: The electricity appears to be working.

Kirby: There better be food in here.

Marth: I hope they have beds. I’m tired of sleeping outside like a peasant.

Pac-Man: Maybe they’ll even have toilets.

Mario: This place seems full of spirits. I have a bad feeling about this.

Kirby: We’ll be fine. We’ll just respawn if we die. Except for Marth, he’s screwed if he dies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Since the Marth in here is from FE3, he doesn't get to enjoy respawning. Neither do Ike and Roy... RIP my top 3 favorite FE characters.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	36. VS Primid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Except the primids get their asses kicked way too quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a lot of chapters today but I'll post them during the weekend.

Olimar: I never imagined we’d have to fight primids again.

Mario: It seems we’ll be fighting against pretty much anyone we’ve already defeated.

Kirby: I’m done beating them all up! It was easy since we’ve fought them before.

Mario: Already? They didn’t even get any lines!

Kirby: Siding with the enemy now?

Mario: Forget it.

Marth: Great, let’s go look for somewhere to spend the night. They better have hot showers here.

Pac-Man: It seems these halls are blocked off.

Mega Man: My projectiles can’t destroy them.

Olimar: We should look for a way to open them.

Kirby: There’s a computer over here. Maybe we can google how to open the doors. *touches enter key*

Marth: I hear three doors open. Should we split up?

Mario: That might speed things up.

Kirby: I’m going with Marth!

Marth: You didn’t even ask me if I wanted to go with you.

Kirby: Do you want to go with anyone else?

Marth: We’ll go to the left.

Olimar: I’ll go with Pac-Man to the right.

Pac-Man: That’s fine with me.

Mario: Mega Man, we’ll go to the center.

Mega Man: Understood.

Mario: Once you’re done, look for the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I had to pre-write some of the following chapters because I'm separating the characters for a bit. They'll all meet up very quickly.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	37. VS ROB 64

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirby and Marth meet ROB 64 and two unexpected guests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to play a star fox game but I really suck at them. I tried playing the one available on switch online but I sucked. I got Star Fox 64 for my little brother, so I'll never get to play it.

Marth: Which computer are we supposed to use?

Kirby: Let’s go from the right to the left.

Marth: So, we just press any button and a door will open.

Kirby: Probably.

Marth: It worked!

Kirby: Let’s press the second one!

Marth: I think someone just appeared.

Kirby: Let’s ignore them and go to the last computer.

Marth: Someone else definitely entered the room.

ROB 64: Do not mess with the computers.

Marth: Who are you?

ROB 64: ROB 64.

Marth: I didn’t know R.O.B. had an uncle.

Fox: He’s not related to R.O.B.

Kirby: Fox!

Falco: We’re going to have to dispose of you guys.

Marth: How cute, you think you stand a chance against me. Let me remind you that I beat you 60-40 on FD.

Fox: The Melee days are over.

Marth: I-I-I still win the match up! *whispers* Probably...

Kirby: Man, I feel so out of place with you Melee Gods. I’m so glad you guys aren’t in your prime anymore. I wouldn’t stand a chance against you.

Falco: Are you mocking us?

Kirby: So, what if I am?

Fox: We’ll make you pay.

ROB 64: Do not involve yourselves with these cowards.

Falco: Let’s leave. They’re a waste of time. Next time we meet, it’s final destination.

Marth: No items.

Fox: Fox only.

Kirby: Wait, so how are you guys supposed to fight?

Fox: ... Bye.

ROB 64: They forgot about me. They weren’t like this before...

Kirby: You can stay with us.

ROB 64: Thank you!

Marth: Now to deal with the last computer.

Kirby: *presses key* ... Someone else got in, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'll post the next chapter later today.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	38. VS Revolver Ocelot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Olimar blames everything on his pikmin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only word besides harasho that I know is one I have no idea how to write. It's the insult we all know and love.

Pac-Man: Ouch! Olimar, have you been telling Billy to zap the floor?

Olimar: Why would I do that?

Pac-Man: I’ve heard some questionable stuff about you and your pikmin.

Olimar: They’re lies.

Pac-Man: Oh, thank goodness.

Revolver Ocelot: Get out of here.

Pac-Man: Are you Russian?

Revolver Ocelot: Russian-American.

Olimar: Harasho! That means go burn in Hell.

Pac-Man: ...

Revolver Ocelot: ...

Olimar: ...

Pac-Man: Yeah, no... That’s not what it means.

Olimar: Monique told me that’s what it meant.

Pac-Man: You can’t blame everything on Monique!

Olimar: Yes, I can and yes, I will.

Revolver Ocelot: ... I think I’m the one who’s going to get out of here...

Olimar: Aw, I wanted to learn so much from him.

Pac-Man: You made him mad and he left. Now, let’s check this computer. *presses key*

Olimar: Some doors opened. Guess we should look for the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Next chapter will have Mega Man and Mario
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	39. VS Dr. Wily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wily gets pissed off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M2K's back, it makes me so happy. I missed him so much. I hope I get to see his Marth tomorrow. His Marth was my inspiration to get better.

Mega Man: There is a treasure chest we should inspect it.

Mario: Kirby and Marth would have run straight to it without checking for traps...

Mega Man: There are skill spheres.

Mario: Marth would have complained about them and Kirby would have made a gay spheres joke...

Mega Man: Are you feeling okay?

Mario: No! I’m missing those two idiots! Something’s wrong with me.

Mega Man: We’ve only been apart for two minutes.

Dr. Wily: Guess, you’ll be apart forever.

Mega Man: I’ll defeat you again. I’ll never lose against you.

Dr. Wily: That’s what they all say.

Mario: To be fair, he kinda has to win for the plot to move forward.

Dr. Wily: No! I will not accept that my life is meaningless and that I’ll never win. I will not give up until I win.

Mario: You’re starting to sound like a hero.

Mega Man: Amazing! You’re bringing him down with mere words! I must learn from you!

Dr. Wily: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why the fuck do I always lose?

Mario: Let’s face it, us heroes have plot armor and deus ex machina on our side.

Dr. Wily: ... I hate everyone. I’m leaving to go live on my own deserted island.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Back to Marth and Kirby in the next chapter.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	40. VS Parasite Queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirby and Marth meet a crazy queen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was playing squad strike earlier. I forgot how much I loved playing Kirby. I've been playing nothing but Marth in WoL and Roy in normal battles that I thought my Kirby would suck now and that I'd have to drop him.
> 
> He might be better than my Marth since I've gotten used to playing Marth with spirit shenanigans and his tippers suck so much.

Parasite Queen: It appears I have found my next meal.

Kirby: Do you want to rant about how you’re royalty and can’t be eaten by a peasant or do I go on about how I eat anything?

Parasite Queen: So, that little human is royalty. How fitting, I am a queen.

Marth: Kirby, I can’t do my rant anymore.

Kirby: Just rant about how she ruined your rant!

Parasite Queen: My parasites will enjoy eating you alive.

Marth: Ew, that’s disgusting. I don’t want to get eaten alive. At least, have the decency to kill me first if you want to eat me.

Kirby: What parasites? I only see you here.

Parasite Queen: ...

Kirby: Don’t you need a mate to make them?

Parasite Queen: Well...

Kirby: We can help you get a boyfriend.

Parasite Queen: You can?

Kirby: Of course, since Marth’s a prince, he’s got lots of connections. He could set you up with anyone.

Marth: Y-yeah and since I have Melee privilege, no one can complain.

Parasite Queen: Thank you. I just need one more condition before joining you. Could you please help me find a girl called Samus? She killed my sisters.

Kirby: Uh, sure... Anything for you...

Marth: We’re so dead...

Kirby: Yep...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I suck so much at SNES games. I never know how the controls work. Playing them with the pro controller is hard. I've been playing a bit of super metroid and aiming's so weird.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	41. VS Porygon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Super effective moves are used.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big House 9 was awesome (stream sucked though). Seeing M2K return was awesome. Melee's like a real-life anime and I love it.

Mega Man: A porygon! Can we catch it?

Mario: We don’t have any pokeballs.

Mega Man: We’ll have to fight it to get through.

Porygon: *excuses itself*

Mario: What’s it saying?

Mega Man: It can’t fight us since it’s been banned.

Olimar: Hey, did we miss anything?

Porygon: !!!

Pac-Man: That porygon seems really afraid of you.

Olimar: It should be.

Mario: It can sense your abusive nature.

Olimar: I am not an abuser!

Mario: Why are you getting all defensive? Pokemon can sense this kind of thing!

Olimar: Mewtwo can’t.

Mario: Mewtwo’s an idiot.

Pac-Man: If he were here, you’d be dead.

Mega Man: The porygon fled.

Pac-Man: Guys, your arguing was super effective on it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I wanted to play online but my internet stopped working on everything except my computer :(
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	42. VS Bomb Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boom boom except there are no boom booms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally cleared World of Light. The ending was awesome. I really love that I was able to use all my mains for the final battle.

Mario: Does anyone else hear explosions?

Olimar: You mean it’s not Lawrence farting?

Pac-Man: I don’t think farts and explosions sound the same.

Bomb Man: Outta my way!

Mega Man: Why is this place full of people I know?

Mario: Maybe this base belongs to someone you know.

Pac-Man: If that’s the case, I’m sure we’re allowed to spend the night here.

Olimar: I thought we’d stay here regardless of that.

Bomb Man: No. I’ll make so many explosions that you guys won’t be able to sleep.

Mega Man: I don’t need sleep.

Bomb Man: But your friends do.

Mega Man: I don’t have a comeback, guys!

Pac-Man: Hm... What would Kirby say?

Olimar: No, what would Marth say?

Mario: What would Mario say?

Bomb Man: Sorry, dude, that doesn’t work.

Mario: Oh, for Pete’s sake. Take your bombs and shove them so far up your ass that they end up behind your eyes.

Bomb Man: You stole that!

Mega Man: Mario, how could you!

Bomb Man: We agree that what Mario did was not cool. Let’s become friends and blow up things.

Mega Man: How nice!

Olimar: He’s going to forget about him in five minutes.

Pac-Man: That must be so hard on him.

Mario: ... Why?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Best part was finally being able to change the menu music.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	43. VS Duon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternatively, chests are disappointing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My little brother's gotten into Smash 4 because I gave him his copy back. He mains Fox and thinks he's not bad. Is Marth-Fox still 60-40 on FD? I hope lol.

Mario: Olimar, did you ever fight Duon?

Olimar: No.

Pac-Man: So that thing’s called Duon, huh? It’s got an... interesting design.

Duon: I will have my revenge.

Mega Man: But we never did anything to you!

Duon: Guilty by association.

Kirby: Hey, guys. Who’s robot is this?

Mario: That’s Duon. Did you fight him?

Kirby: No.

Marth: Did anyone miss me? Because I didn’t miss any of you. What’s with that pile of trash?

Duon: Trash? You dare call me trash?

Marth: Are you implying you’re not?

Duon: Um...

Mario: Gee, Marth, how are you of all people scaring all the villains into submission?

Olimar: He hasn’t scared me.

Mega Man: But you’re not a villain, Olimar.

Kirby: Guys, there’s a computer! *presses key*

Pac-Man: This door close to use didn’t open. We’ll have to backtrack.

**Some walking later.**

Kirby: Should we go left or right?

Pac-Man: Let’s go left.

Marth: Treasure chest! I hope there’s- *opens chest* Why do I even bother?

Kirby: Spirit snacks? Why not non-spirit snacks? Just because we’re the 1% doesn’t mean they can just go and give snacks to everyone but us!

Mario: I have a bad feeling... Let’s go to the other hallway.

More walking.

Mario: *presses key* I hear a door open. Must be the one that was closed before.

**Even more walking.**

Marth: Treasure- *opens chest* A box? A fucking cardboard box!

Kirby: Look in it! Maybe it has snacks. Empty! Let’s just leave.

Pac-Man: But there’s a spirit over there.

Kirby: My mental health is in danger! I can’t deal with any more disappointment!

Olimar: I’ve got bad news for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm not looking forward to the boss battle. The boss battles in Ultimate are traumatizing.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	44. VS Metal Gear Rex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's kinda like a t-rex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Almost fell asleep at least five times during Math lecture.

Kirby: I’m getting tired of seeing scraps of metal.

Mario: That’s a metal gear. More specifically, the metal gear REX.

Marth: Doesn’t look much like a t-rex to me.

Mega Man: Aw... I thought we were interacting with a t-rex.

Olimar: Dinosaurs died a long time ago.

Mega Man: But Yoshi’s still alive.

Mario: That’s ‘cause he’s not-

Kirby: That’s ‘cause he’s not paying taxes! He has to pay them before being allowed to go the afterlife.

Pac-Man: Wait, so Yoshi’s dead?

Mario: No, don’t listen to Kirby.

Kirby: The Rex just started moving!

Mario: Nonsense.

Mega Man: It really is!

Mario: Don’t let him trick you.

REX: Hi.

Marth: Quick, let’s hide in a car! It worked in Jurassic Park!

Olimar: There are no cars in here.

Kirby: I’ve got an idea. You guys know how in Night at the Museum, the t-rex kinda acts like a dog?

Marth: We should throw some metal for it to fetch!

One play session later.

Mario: I can’t believe we adopted it and named it Rexy.

Olimar: Think of the kids, they love him.

Pac-Man: My kids would love to have their own metal t-rex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Idk why I'm so tired. I went to bed earlier yesterday :(
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	45. VS Snake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RIP Snake's butt :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a GC controller! And a GC and Melee but I still need to get some adapters or a CRT TV before I can start playing it. Really looking forward to playing Marth at his prime! And Kirby and Roy at their absolute worst...

Kirby: I say we sleep here tonight and deal with the creepy hallway tomorrow.

Snake: Perfect. It will allow me to complete my mission with much ease.

Mega Man: It’s Snake! We need to get out of here before he blows this whole place up!

Marth: No, I am not sleeping outside again!

Mario: Wait, this might finally be our chance.

Olimar: What are you talking about?

Mario: If we get Snake to join us, Marth can’t use the “I’m the only hot person here” argument anymore!

Pac-Man: And here I thought you were not into petty stuff.

Marth: Bold of you to assume I find Snake hot.

Mario: But he’s got a good butt.

Kirby: How do I break this to you... Snake lost his butt.

Snake: I what!?

Kirby: Your butt got nerfed! You don’t have one anymore!

Snake: No! That can’t be true!

Pac-Man: It sadly is. Think about us. We never got to see your butt at it’s finest!

Snake: You are lying! Lord Galeem would never get rid of my butt!

Mega Man: Um... We never mentioned Galeem.

Snake: So, he’s the one who ruined me? That son of a bitch. We’re going to kick his inexistent ass so hard, he won’t know what hit him.

Olimar: So, what now? Do we go to the creepy hallway?

Snake: We will be attacked in our sleep if we don’t. We could sleep in boxes without being spotted, but Mario’s too fat.

Mario: What!? How? You’re bigger than me! So, is Marth. You’re both technically fatter than me!

Marth: How dare you! You’ll pay for that! First, you tell me I gained weight, now you’re calling me fat. This is why no one respects you!

Snake: Actually, no one respects Mario because it’s funny to disrespect him.

Kirby: Man, why didn’t I hang out with you before? You’re pretty cool.

Snake: I know I’m cool. Now let’s go to the creepy hallway.

Everyone except Mario: Yeah!

Mario: Let’s-a go...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm gonna set the difficulty to super easy because I suck so much at boss battles and using a controller I'm not used to will make it really hard to fight against him.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	46. VS Galleom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys used speak  
Galleom is confused.  
Galleom hurt itself in its confusion.  
Galleom fainted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I turned the difficulty to very easy for this fight. I'm still not used to jumping with the GC controller. I keep SD'ing when playing because I react to slowly. I still have a long way to go before being able to be as good as with the pro controller.

Pac-Man: This hallway is giving me the creeps.

Kirby: Who are we up against?

Snake: Galleom. Marth thought him once.

Marth: I did? All I remember is playing on my iPhone while some other dudes did all the work. They couldn’t understand anything I said so there was like zero communication. They should have put me with people from Melee because at least we would have been on the same wavelength. Talking about Melee, why am I the only one from Melee here?

Snake: Does he ever shut up?

Mega Man: I think he’s making up for all the times he couldn’t talk to us.

Mario: Oh, great. We are screwed.

Pac-Man: I’m sure we’ll figure out something.

Olimar: I can throw all my pikmin at him.

Mario: That won’t be enou-

Galleom: Who dares enter my hallway?

Snake: That’s him.

Galleom: You’re the Smash Bros guys!

Pac-Man: We sure are.

Galleom: I will defeat you.

Kirby: You’ve lost all your previous battles, what makes you think you’ll win this one?

Mario: Guys, I have a plan. Listen- Marth, get off your phone!

Marth: It worked last time.

Galleom: You’re that kid that didn’t speak English.

**Flashback~**

Galleom: I will defeat you!

Meta Knight: We need to come up with a plan.

Ike: What plan do you have? I’m bad at planning.

Meta Knight: Marth, do you have any ideas?

Marth: *playing on his iPhone*

Ike: Why couldn’t we be with someone who understood English?

Galleom: In this case, I’ll take out that kid first.

Ike: Hey, if Marth dies, do we get to have Roy instead? I’d love it if we could get Roy. Roy seems like a really cool guy. I bet we’d get along.

Meta Knight: He would definitely be more useful even without speaking English. Maybe we should just let this robot take out Marth.

Marth: (_That doesn’t sound half-bad. I hate Brawl, I’d gladly let Roy experience this Hell in my stead._)

Galleom: I can’t understand your reasoning! I’m overheating! *explodes*

**Back to the present**

Marth: I remember how we’re supposed to beat him! Everyone diss me and praise Roy!

Kirby: You’ll never be taller than Roy ever again and he’s way hotter than you.

Marth: Wait, that’s wrong. I’m supposed to like your disses not hate them because they’re true.

Galleom: What are you doing?

Snake: To be honest, I’d like to know that too.

Olimar: Are we going to fight? I need to get rid of this thirst I have to throw my pikmin at him.

Pac-Man: Olimar! Do you think this is an appropriate place to throw your pikmin?

Mega Man: We can attack him while he’s confused!

Galleom: *starts overheating* I am not confused!

Mario: Jesus Christ, why can’t we have one normal fight for once! We can’t use words to solve all our problems!

Snake: Aren’t we supposed to be the good guys who say violence is bad? Then again you did kill all of Bowser’s army.

Galleom: You guys make no sense!!! *explodes*

Mario: We won... We actually won!

Marth: Finally, I want to sleep.

**In the sky**

Galeem: Ah! What the Hell was that? Did one of my generals get defeated? What’s the point of having them if they’re useless? I’m writing them out my fanfics! Oh shit! My barrier protecting Villager and Sheik broke! I hope those traitors don’t find that out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> My little brother wants a GC controller now, so I'm getting him one for Christmas. Why do I get the feeling he won't give me any good presents for the 15th (I think he's 15, I'm not sure) year in a row.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	47. The boys don't like the base

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Mario gets no sleep :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so mean to Mario

Marth: We’re in a high-tech base and there are no beds! I hate my life.

Snake: We’ve all slept in worse conditions.

Mario: Look at the bright side, it’s not freezing cold in here.

Kirby: Easy for you to say!

Pac-Man: Kirby’s got a point. You’re always discriminating against us naked folks!

Mega Man: Oh, I have an idea.

**In the computer room.**

Mega Man: I have gathered you all here to discuss your problems with each other.

Snake: Since you’re a robot, you won’t be biased. I don’t have any problems though.

Marth: I’ve got some problems! Everyone’s picking on me because I’m the only one from Melee and they’re all jealous of my good looks.

Mario: That’s not true!

Mega Man: Um... Any other problems?

Kirby: Can we have dinner?

**In the storage room**

Kirby: They only have crappy snacks!

Marth: I’d rather starve than gain weight.

Olimar: Which of these is the worst? I need to get the worst for my pikmin.

Pac-Man: And you say you don’t abuse your pikmin.

Olimar: I don’t.

Snake: We should each choose what rooms we want.

Marth: I’m staying here. It’s the only place where I won’t have to sleep on the floor.

Snake: I’ll take the room you found me in.

Kirby: Computer room!

Olimar: I need the big room where we found Galleom.

Pac-Man: I’ll take that small hallway with a computer.

Mega Man: I’ll charge in the second computer room.

Mario: Where do I sleep?

Mega Man: The main room.

**In the main room**

Mario: Why do I always get the worst places? This computer’s so loud, I can’t even sleep.

**The next morning**

Marth: Guys, we need to go back and get my flowers.

Mario: Oh, come on!

**At the flowerbed**

Marth: *happily picking flowers*

Mario: Wasn’t there a barrier over there at the ruins?

Kirby: Yeah, let’s go check it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> More fighters joining soon :O
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	48. VS Villager & Sheik

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two fighters at once!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't refer to the group as the boys anymore :(  
I guess I kinda still can but Sheik's Zelda and Zelda is a girl, so Sheik is technically a girl regardless of whether her body has a peepee or not.

Mario: The barrier really is gone! We can free Villager and Sheik.

Kirby: You mean disappointment and a murderer?

Marth: Finally! I’m not going to be the only Melee player here!

Sheik: Melee is dead to me. Smash 4 is all that matters.

Villager: Hey! They’re my next victims! You can’t claim them for as own!

Pac-Man: You need to get back to your senses!

Villager: My sense of murder is all that matters.

Mega Man: That doesn’t make any sense!

Villager: You think I care?

Mega Man: Guys, insults aren’t getting to him!

Snake: Hey, mayor. If you join us, you’ll get more chances to kill people.

Villager: I’m listening.

Sheik: Do not listen to him. Lord Galeem will allow you to kill as much as you want.

Olimar: But there are fewer people on our side, that means you’ll have more people to kill if you’re on our side.

Villager: I never liked Galeem anyway. I’d much rather kill him.

Sheik: You won’t get away with this.

Kirby: You know, Sheik, if you join us... I’ll talk to Sakurai and ask him to give you some buffs.

Sheik: ... Okay, I’m in.

Pac-Man: Wow, we’re becoming a big group!

Mega Man: Sheik, I’ve got a question. Which Zelda are you?

Sheik: That’s secret.

Marth: What we do know is that she’s not the disgusting Zelda we have now. Peach almost vomited when she saw her hair. I say we have Sheik play Melee against me to see if she’s OoT or TP Zelda.

Mario: I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Marth: I suppose you’re right. It would be a one-sided massacre. Guess I’ll wait until we find Fox, Falco or Peach to play Melee.

Villager: Let’s go killing!

Snake: We have spirits to free first.

Villager: I didn’t sign up for this!

Kirby: Bitch, you think any of us did?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I cut my finger while opening a box of cake. I'm so glad I started writing this yesterday. Although it doesn't actually hurt tbh.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	49. VS Tron Bonne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> R.O.B. also appears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I played the creeper aw man game last night on discord with someone. We managed to do the whole song and the mod told us we did a good job.

Tron Bonne: Bow to me, the genius mechanic, Tron Bonne!

R.O.B: Tron, we may only bow for Lord Galeem.

Kirby: Why do we keep running into Mega Man characters? We don’t know anything about them!

Mega Man: I-

Villager: No one cares.

Tron Bonne: Is that a robot? He’s so much more advanced than R.O.B. He kinda looks like Mega Man Volnutt.

Sheik: There’s more Mega Mans? We already have to deal with seven Marths, how do we deal with more Mega Mans?

Pac-Man: That’s pretty ironic coming from you.

Sheik: There’s only one Sheik.

Olimar: Actually...

Tron Bonne: Let me join you!

R.O.B.: Why does everyone keep betraying lord Galeem?

Snake: Because they’re not idiots.

R.O.B.: *leaves*

Tron Bonne: I’ll miss him. At least, I get a new robot friend!

Marth: We have to go down rocks now. This sucks. I’m going to get my clothes dirty.

Mario: The path splits in two. Should we go to the race track or the right?

Kirby: Let’s go right. Can’t go wrong if we choose the right path.

Mario: Kirby, no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Next time we get to see one of my favorite FE characters :)
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	50. VS Lilina

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But the only fighting involves two idiot Melee swordsmen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Lilina. She was one of my first 5* in FEH. I originally wanted her to marry OG Roy but since he wasn't coming home and neither was Marth, I made her marry Caeda (Marth's wife) and I didn't want to break them up so they're still together.   
My FEH pairings are weird. L!Ike married OG Ike, B!Roy married Roy, LA!Roy married Marth, L!Roy married L!Marth, the three Eliwoods I have have different wives. I should have L!Eliwood marry Hector if I ever get him.  
B!Ike marrying Soren and V!Ike marrying V!Soren are like the only normal pairings.

Mega Man: Guys we’re finally going to run into someone that isn’t from my franchise.

Snake: It’s Lilina from Fire Emblem. Marth, tell her you’re Roy but you dyed your hair blue.

Marth: She’s never going to fall for that. The only thing Roy and I have in common is that we both have blue eyes and they’re not even the same shade of blue.

Kirby: Pit would fall for it.

Olimar: Pit would fall for anything.

Pac-Man: If you think about it, Roy’s just fire Marth with red hair and a dad that isn’t dead.

Sheik: You can’t just spoil Eliwood living!

Villager: Shut up, Zelda.

Lilina: Hello.

Marth: Um... Hi, Lilina.

Lilina: Who are you guys?

Kirby: Don’t you recognize Roy? He’s trying out a new hairstyle.

Marth: Y-yeah. (Why am I doing this?)

Roy: Hey, Lilina, we have to go. Fuck, which one is Lilina? They both look like Marths.

Snake: *whispering* Marth, tell him you’re Lilina.

Marth: Oh, come on!

Roy: I’m sorry, Lilina. Galeem said we couldn’t hang out here anymore. Something about Marth and the others, but mainly Marth, going insane.

Marth: *acting overly cute* Oh, what a shame... Hey, Roy, my boy? Can you buy me the newest iPhone?

Roy: Yeah, whatever. Wait a minute, you’re not Lilina. How do you know what an iPhone is?

Lilina: What’s an iPhone?

Sheik: You’re better off not knowing. Trust me.

Marth: Fuck you, Roy! I’m going to get my iPhone and you’re going to pay for it.

Roy: Fuck you, Marth! I’m tired of paying for phones that you throw away the second a new model is out.

Villager: Yes! Murder each other! I want to see blood everywhere!

Lilina: These Roys are jerks. They must be Roys from different universes. The Roy I knew was short and a sweetheart. Not slightly below average height or tall.

Mario: You shouldn’t bother with them. They’re idiots who can’t go a day without fighting.

Lilina: I’m glad the Roy in my universe didn’t end up like the ones here. My father would have been furious.

Marth: That son of a bitch... Next time I see him, he’s buying me my new iPhone and I’m kicking his ass. He might have won the battle but he won’t win the war.

Kirby: Marth, you just called his mom a bitch.

Marth: So? I deserve a billion alts, not her. My legs are better than hers.

Mario: You know, maybe Galeem had a point.

Pac-Man: Mario, how could you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I've noticed I ship Roy almost exclusively with blue-haired blue-eyed people whether it be FE!Roy or Smash!Roy. Wolt's the only one who doesn't fit. I like to headcanon Roy's into blue. :3  
I also headcanon that Lyn is Smash!Roy's mom. Clearly, the reason Lyn is gone in FE6 is that she's busy working as an assist trophy but she got lost in some time-loop thing which is why her first appearance was in Brawl while Roy debuted in Melee. They're both kinda confusing me with their age. Are they 15? Are they 19? No one will ever know the truth.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	51. VS Fiora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *insert something*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm always so sleepy in the morning. I almost fell asleep during my Math lecture. Spent the whole lesson taking photos of the blackboard.

Olimar: Why do we keep running into abandoned waifus?

Fiora: What are waifus?

Villager: It doesn’t matter. All I want is your head. Shulk can keep your body.

Fiora: Oh, my... Do you feel alright? Do you need me to make some soup for you?

Shulk: Don’t interact with those low tiers.

Snake: What do you mean low tier? I’ve been top tier in every game I’ve been in.

Fiora: That was mean of you Shulk. They weren’t doing anything wrong.

Shulk: They don’t worship Lord Galeem.

Marth: That’s ‘cause Galeem sucks.

Fiora: Wait who’s Galeem?

Sheik: He’s the reason everything is messed up.

Pac-Man: Shulk, we’re going to have to ask you leave.

Mega Man: Isn’t he supposed to leave all by himself?

Fiora: Where is he going to go?

Snake: Back to daddy Galeem.

Sheik: Do you have to say it in such a creepy way?

Fiora: Galeem is Shulk’s dad?

Mario: Just ignore them, they’re idiots.

Kirby: Yo, Mario, you trying to pick up all the girls?

Mario: What!? No!

Fiora: I don’t want to sound rood. But you don’t seem strong enough to pick up girls.

Kirby: Oof.

Mario: Don’t say anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I have to wake early tomorrow again. At least next week, I get to wake up late which means I get to stay up late and watch Smash summit!
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	52. VS Miltank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all have PTSD from Whitney's Miltank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno why I made miltank say moo. It just felt right.

Snake: It’s a miltank. This is giving me PTSD flashbacks.

Miltank: Moo.

Marth: This pokemon’s creeping me out. How isn’t it censored?

Miltank: Moo.

Olimar: The pikmin will handle it.

Monique: What!? We can’t go against miltank! We’ll die.

Villager: Is miltank meat edible?

Sheik: Don’t say such a thing in front of it!

Miltank: Moo?

Pac-Man: I’m so scared! I couldn’t beat Gold and Silver because of miltank.

Mega Man: I had to hack my gameboy to get past it!

Mario: Um... You guys do realize that’s just a random miltank, not Whitney’s?

Snake: All right, boys, we’re beating that cow to a pulp.

Mario: Don’t do that! Its milk has healing properties. We could use it.

Kirby: Oh, that’s a good idea. We can make cake... Provided we find someone who can cook.

Mario: Finally, you’re being reasonable.

Kirby: I’m going to call it Milky.

Villager: So, who’s milking it?

Mario: We’re getting milk at the store when we find one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Fuck miltank and Whitney, they can burn in hell. Worst part about GS/HGSS.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	53. VS Don

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DON'T FORGET TO SAVE, WRRRRYYYYYYY!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first time you meet Resetti is a traumatizing experience.

Marth: And then I was like- *trips* Ah!

Kirby: Haha, Marth tri- *trips* If you laugh, you’re dead.

Sheik: What’s causing all these earthquakes?

Don: That would be me and I am not a what!

Villager: Resetti... I don’t want to talk to you,

Don: Have you guys been saving? If you don’t, I’ll kill you!

Mario: Um, I’m pretty sure everything saves automatically here.

Don: I’ll kill you!

Pac-Man: Is everyone from Villager’s village a killer?

Mega Man: Isabelle isn’t a killer.

Olimar: That’s what she wants you to think.

Mega Man: She is not a killer!

Snake: So, since we saved. Can you let us through?

Don: Save again. And again! And again! Auto-save took my job!

Sheik: I know what it feels like to have your job taken away from you. I’m barely getting paid nowadays compared to before.

Marth: I’m getting paid to not enter tournaments! The only job I have is playing Melee and that barely covers my travel expenses.

Kirby: Losers, you guys have jobs. I just get dad to pay everything for me!

Marth: Oh, I can afford everything. I could buy you from Sakurai.

Kirby: No!!!

Don: Did you guys remember to save?

Mario: Oh, for the love of God, shut up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Next chapter, Marth finally gets a friend. I don't know if that's good or not.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	54. VS Link

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marth makes a friend. Kinda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been productive this weekend, wtf?

Mario: Where did Marth run off to? We’re supposed to be going to that house over there.

Olimar: He said something about seeing a pretty statue.

Mega Man: He’s climbing that hill.

Mario: Jesus Christ, he even took Kirby with him.

**Up the hill**

Marth: Pretty statue, pretty statue!

Kirby: It’s kinda ugly.

Link: Don’t insult the statue.

Marth: Oh, it’s you.

Link: Why did you leave lord Galeem? Don’t you want to come back? Don’t you want to be at the top again? Lord Galeem will give you the buffs you want. We can team up and beat up everyone you hate.

Marth: ...

Sheik: Marth, don’t listen to him. He’s saying nothing but nonsense. You know Link is an idiot.

Marth: You know, we should team-up.

Link: Welcome- *gets kicked in the face*

Snake: Marth, seriously, don’t listen.

Marth: You ruined my joke!

Link: So, you don’t want to team-up?

Marth: First, you’d have to join our side. Then, I might consider it.

Link: Cool, so, we’re friends again?

Marth: Sure- I mean, we were never friends!

Link: Marth and I are friends again!

Marth: Shut up! You and I are not friends!

Pac-Man: Which one is it now?

Villager: Just kill each other already!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Soon, we'll learn who's the last person going to Summit.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	55. VS Anna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They do a bit of shopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I remember when I was playing Awakening and Anna would just destroy everyone.
> 
> PoR's the best FE game, Titania, Ike, Oscar and Soren were destroying everyone. Binding Blade's really fun too even though Roy sucks (I still love my boy) and I kept sacrificing all the good units... I'm also enjoying Three Houses but all the activities feel like filler and drag the game out making it a bit annoying. But the story chapters are really good.

Anna: Hello, travelers! I’m a merchant!

Kirby: Do you sell food?

Anna: Only the best!

Kirby: Nice! I’d like-

Marth: She’s going to scam you! She’s going to make you pay a stupid sum of money for mediocre shit!

Anna: How rude! How could you call my products shit? You wouldn’t like it if I called you Lucina or a girl, would you?

Marth: That’s different!

Mario: Tell us your prices.

Anna: I sell one loaf of bread for one million gold.

Mario: We don’t have that kind of money!

Anna: Well, demand is very low nowadays, so the prices must go up.

Link: That’s no problem, I can easily make food for all of you.

Sheik: That would be pretty useful. We could even learn a thing or two from you.

Snake: Let’s go.

Anna: Wait! You can’t just leave! I’ll halve the price! No, I’ll reduce by a lot! I should have never listened to Galeem’s empty promises. He said my business would be booming but you guys are my first costumers in ages.

Pac-Man: You’d really do that for us.

Anna: Of course, I’d rather have some costumers than none at all after all. I can’t make money if no one buys my products.

Villager: Do you happen to sell people?

Anna: Actually, I do. I’ve got a great spirit for a great price. The best defense is a good offense. It’s 10% off.

Villager: I’ll buy it.

Anna: Meet Ivan.

Ivan: I increase magic attacks like Zelda and Robin’s.

Olimar: Too bad Sheik lost her old down B. You’re useless to us.

Ivan: I-I’m sorry.

Kirby: I’ll give you 30 cents for a snack.

Anna: I only have this one. Ooh, it will level up a spirit!

Kirby: What?

Mega Man: Could I buy a pet? I’ve always wanted one.

Anna: I have a first-class spirit that will serve you well. He’s 10% off. Meet Karate Kong.

Mega Man: He’s so cool!

Karate Kong: You are weak. You must train!

Mega Man: Yes, sir!

Pac-Man: I want something too!

Anna: I’ve only got this left.

Pac-Man: A gay sphere? Aw...

Anna: It’s a skill sphere that lets you learn skills.

Pac-Man: Oh, all right. I’ll buy it. I can give it to someone as a present.

Anna: Thank you! Now, I’ve got to wait for my next order!

Mario: Could we spend the night here after clearing the area.

Anna: Of course, just be ready to pay. A lot. I don’t have much space so you better choose carefully who sleeps in here and who sleeps outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I think I'm gonna start reducing the number of characters appearing per chapter (except vs fighters, vs bosses, night chapters and specials). It's getting annoying to have some characters appear for one unimportant line.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	56. VS Raphael the Raven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not the Ninja turtle or the painter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have classes tomorrow, yay!

Kirby: Guys, look! There’s a bridge over there! We should cross it!

Mario: Kirby, wait up!

Raphael: I will not let you pass.

Sheik: Who are you?

Raphael: I am Raphael named after-

Marth: Yeah, yeah. We know what the Ninja Turtles are. Leonardo’s better.

Link: That’s not true! It’s definitely Raphael who’s the best.

Sheik: No, it’s Michelangelo.

Mario: Guys, shut up. Donatello’s the best one.

Raphael: Actually, I was named after the painter.

Marth: Leonardo’s still better.

Link: But Raphael painted the School of Athens. Mona Lisa is overrated.

Marth: Oh, please. Everyone knows the true masterpiece is the Last Supper.

Sheik: Statues are better than paintings. Your little paintings can’t compare to the Statue of David.

Mario: All of you, shut up! I’m the Italian here, I know who’s better! It’s Donatello.

Raphael: Actually, I was named after-

Kirby: It’s Raphael Nadal, right?

Raphael: No.

Snake: We just checked out the bridge. There’s a closed gate blocking the way.

Villager: It was a waste of time! A waste of time, I tell you!

Raphael: Is anyone here going to fight me?

Mega Man: Can I adopt you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> My parents and little brother are in Florence right now, my little brother is dying of boredom. If the bank wasn't completely incompetent, I would have gone next week.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	57. VS Professor Chops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, they don't eat him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summit's tomorrow! I'm so excited! I'm rooting for Samsora, Zackray and Leffen.

Marth: I’m not going down this path anymore! I am tired of seeing banana peels everywhere!

Link: Aw, do you need a piggyback ride?

Marth: I said I was tired of seeing, not walking.

Professor Chops: I might be able to help with that.

Kirby: Dinner!

Link: I haven’t cooked in so long! I’m really looking forward to it.

Professor Chops: You can’t do that!

Villager: Why not? I don’t think anyone is against me chopping you up, Bacon.

Professor Chops: My name is Professor Chops.

Villager: I don’t give names to my food, Bacon.

Professor Chops: I am not food.

Villager: You-

Sheik: Stop harassing him, Villager.

Villager: Tsk, one day I’ll murder someone.

Snake: So, what are we supposed to do with Bacon?

Professor Chops: My name is not Bacon! I will not help you if you continue with that attitude.

Mario: We will listen to what you have to do, Professor Chops!

Professor Chops: Thank you. Now, behind me, there is a chest. In that chest, there is a treasure. The- *gets pushed away*

Link & Marth: Treasure!

Marth: I saw it first!

Link: No, I did!

Olimar: Eh, there’s only SP.

Marth: SP’s good for learning new skills.

Olimar: Wrong game, Marth.

Pac-Man: Well, that was disappointing.

Villager: Where’s bacon? I’m gonna kill him!

Kirby: Yeah! I want dinner!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I can't stop listening to Pewdiepie's new song. He should make more music because all of his songs are bangers. They should make a second-best artist of the year award because everyone already knows Felix is the best one.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	58. VS Snake Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snake Man not Snake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summit hype! I'm so excited! It starts in less than an hour. RIP my sleep.

???: SSSSSSSS...

Mega Man: Snake, is that you making those noises?

Snake: Why would I make snake noises?

Sheik: Because your name is Snake.

Snake: So? Mega Man’s name is Mega Man but he’s a small robot.

Mega Man: Fair point.

???: Ssssss...

Pac-Man: If it’s not snake making that noise, then who is?

???: *throws a bomb*

Olimar: We’re under attack!

Snake Man: I am Ssssnake Man. Prepare to be blown up.

Snake: Why does everyone from your franchise have such uninspired names?

Mega Man: I don’t know!

Villager: We need to defeat him. I am not interested in anything that isn’t flesh.

Pac-Man: Mega Man, you’ve faced him before, what do you think we should do?

Mega Man: I can’t remember what I did to beat him! No one here actually remembers anything from their game!

Sheik: Eh, that’s kinda true.

Snake Man: Our battle will be legendary!

Villager: No, we won’t fight you.

Snake: ... *sad snake noises*

Mega Man: Now I remember! He was a total idiot! That must be it!

Mario: I doubt that. I think Galeem might have overwritten his... and everyone else’s original personalities.

Olimar: I knew it! He messed with my pikmin!

Kirby: Oh, well... Nothing we can do about it.

Mario: Let’s go back to Anna’s place. Where are Marth and Link?

Sheik: Link told me they were going to go pick flowers.

Mario: And you just let them go?

Sheik: If it means there’s a chance I lose one of my worst Melee nightmares, I’m fine with sacrificing Link.

Mario: Mamma mia... *imitating Cartman* How do I get to these kids?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I'm sad there was no new South Park episode this week.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	59. Mario can't find a home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one wants to sleep with Mario

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summit last night was so good. If Leo and Zackray hadn't gone Marth in Squad Strike, I think I would have dropped him for real. I keep telling myself I'm gonna drop him and only play Roy, but I love him too much.

Anna: After searching all around the house, I can confirm that I can only host one of you and I choose Sheik.

Kirby: But why?

Anna: She seems more trustworthy than all of you.

Mario: All right, guys, we’ll have to- Where are they?

Kirby: They left to get the best places to sleep.

**Near the flowerbed.**

Marth: I’m going to smell so nice in the morning!

Link: You’re right, these flowers smell nice.

Marth: Hey, this is my flowerbed.

Link: I’ll take the yellow flowers, you get the pink ones.

Marth: I never agreed to this.

Link: Marth, I am one hundred something years older than you. I have the power of seniority here.

Marth: ...

Link: I’ll make your meal nicer.

Marth: Fine, but if you cross on my side, you’re dead.

Mario: Can I join you two.

Link: No, fuck off.

**Near the starting point of WoL.**

Kirby: I have my own private pool, mirrors in the shape of crystals, a roof. I struck gold!

Mario: May-

Kirby: Finders keepers!

**In the southern forest.**

Pac-Man: This forest is pretty nice.

Mega Man: We can chat around this stump. This place is really awesome!

Olimar: These white flowers will camouflage my pikmin. No one can steal them away from me.

Pac-Man: No one’s trying to steal them.

Olimar: Mega Man, what exactly do you do when we sleep?

Mega Man: Usually I charge. But if my batteries are full, I’ll look at all of you sleeping.

Mario: ... I’m not going to sleep here.

**Near the hill.**

Villager: I can see the world from here! No one will ever escape my axe!

Snake: We can tell the time thanks to this statue. Now all I need is a place to place my box.

Mario: You’re sleeping in a box?

Snake: Yeah, it saves space. I even sold my bed.

Mario: You could have just asked Master Hand to extend your room.

Snake: Hey, if you’re going to brag about your OG12 privilege, go do it somewhere else. Just because I’m from Brawl.

Villager: Not cool, Mario, not cool. How would you feel if I chose not to kill you because you’re from Smash 64?

Mario: Relieved.

Villager: Exactly.

**At the cliff from the opening scene.**

Mario: No one ever wants to hang out with me. I bet Luigi will ditch me for the others. I feel like I understand how Marth feels when everyone ditches him for his clones. It’s so cold here. It’s so hard. I can’t sleep...

**The next morning, at the southern forest.**

Link: I made breakfast for all of you!

Sheik: You didn’t have to.

Link: It wasn’t hard.

Kirby: Fuck, I haven’t eaten such a good meal in like forever!

Marth: This is so good, I almost want more.

Mario: *out of breath* Why did no one tell me we were meeting up for breakfast?

Snake: We thought you headed out to scout the area.

Mario: Is there enough food left?

Link: Um... If we’re talking about normal amounts, no. If we’re talking Olimar’s pikmins’ amount, yes.

Mario: Mamma mia, I hate all of you!

Mega Man: Hey, we didn’t do anything wrong!

Pac-Man: Yeah, it’s not our fault you chose to sleep I don’t know where.

Olimar: Grow up, Mario.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> So hyped to continue watching Summit! I don't need to worry about bedtime since I'm on vacation now!
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	60. VS Fish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will the fish become lunch?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summit hype! Yesterday was so good. I never knew I needed to see Smash players play ping-pong. Really disappointed to know Maister looks at G&W R34, Light's a furry and that Esam didn't think Maister deserved to be there. At least Samsora had the decency to be honest.

Marth: Get in the boat!

Link: *gets in the boat* Hey, it’s pretty nice in here.

Mario: Can you drive that thing?

Link: If we put a sail on it or if you bring a paddle, I can try something.

Snake: Okay, Marth, you’re the sail.

Marth: Why me?

Snake: You’re the only one with a cape. Villager, use your axe as a paddle.

Villager: Excuse me-

Link: Princess. Sorry... Force of habit.

Snake: Pretend it’s a huge person.

Sheik: Wow, Snake makes a much better leader than Mario.

Pac-Man: I know. He’s smart, respectable and knows what he’s doing.

Mario: I can hear you.

**In the boat.**

Marth: I’m tired. I want to sit down. One of you should be my chair.

Snake: Shut up, sail. Look there’s a fish.

Villager: I’m gonna kill it!

Fish: What did I ever do to you?

Mega Man: Fish can talk!?

Olimar: Seriously. That shocks you?

Fish: I know, right?

Link: Oh, there’s lunch! Let’s stop to fish.

Pac-Man: Villager, there’s a dead body right ahead! Paddle as fast as you can!

Villager: *speeds up*

Pac-Man: Bye bye, litte fish.

Fish: I could have taken him on myself, bitch!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> They're gonna travel the world soon.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	61. VS Mermaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> VS a maid of the sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I take a break from Melee to bring you this chapter.

Marth: I’m bored. I feel like we’ve been on this boat for a month. Are we there yet?

Mermaid: Hello, human.

Marth: Ew, guys, a fish is talking to me.

Sheik: Marth, that’s a mermaid.

Kirby: Do mermaids taste like fish?

Villager: Let’s find out.

Pac-Man: No, we are not going through this again.

Mermaid: Would you like some help? You appear to be lost.

Link: We’re trying to get to that island, but the wind hasn’t been on our side.

Mermaid: I think I can help you. But you’ll have to pay me.

Snake: Sure, anything to get off this boat. How much?

Mermaid: I’ll do it for free.

Sheik: Thanks.

Mario: And we’re just going to trust her like that?

Sheik: Seeing as how we’re almost there, yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> So, I've recently started playing Melee because I finally got my adapters and shit I needed 'cause I can't find a CRT TV. I suck with every single character except Marth. But that game is still so much fun.  
I'm now really sad there's no break the target in Ultimate. Or a Melee-like adventure mode. Or Melee classic mode.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	62. VS Star Rod

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group also arrives at the airport.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why does a rod have a spirit?

Mega Man: We’ve finally made it!

Kirby: Fucking finally.

Star Rod: Get off this island.

Kirby: Since when do you talk?

Star Rod: Lord Galeem has granted me the ability to speak. You can’t use me anymore.

Kirby: Yes, I can. *grabs rod*

Olimar: It stopped talking.

Kirby: Let’s go to the airport.

**In the airport.**

Marth: This place is completely empty and all the stores are closed!

Link: I was hoping we could at least get some snacks.

Kirby: This was a waste of time!

Mario: It says on that screen that there’s a flight departing soon.

Snake: Let’s go check it out.

**One flight later.**

Sheik: We’re in Japan.

Villager: I can’t read anything written in here!

Kirby: Marth, get your ass here and tell us what our next flight is.

Marth: Um, we’re going to China.

Mario: None of us is banned there, right?

Snake: Does it even matter? Everyone’s gone.

Pac-Man: Wait, how did we fly?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> When I play Melee Marth, I'm surprised some moves land. He has so much range.  
When I play Ultimate Marth, I'm surprised some moves don't land. Give him his range back, Sakurai.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	63. VS Chun-Li

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow they don't get banned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting pretty close to chapter 69, huh?

Kirby: That was the worst plane ride I’ve ever taken.

Mario: Let’s spend the night here. We can eat some Chinese food.

Kirby: I want lots of rice!

Sheik: Who’s supposed to cook?

Kirby: Why does everyone have to be dead?

Chun-Li: I’m not dead. I am ready to kick you to death.

Snake: That’s Chun-Li, her strength lies in her legs.

Link: Legs, huh? Marth, take off your pants!

Marth: W-what!? No!

Chun-Li: I will fistfight any of you.

Link: Come on, Marth. We all believe in your legs.

Marth: I don’t know how to fight without a sword.

Villager: I will fight.

Chun-Li: I will not go easy on a child.

Villager: I am a child only in body.

Pac-Man: He might not look like it, but he’s a serial killer.

Chun-Li: I am not scared.

Pac-Man: Does anything scare you?

Chun-Li: No.

Pac-Man: What about this? *shows a Winnie the Pooh meme*

Chun-Li: Everyone’s dead, so now I can enjoy the meme.

Snake: Huh, so there’s no law anymore. We should take this opportunity to steal everything we’ve ever wanted.

Kirby: All the food in the world will be mine!

Marth: Can I finally get my new iPhone?

Chun-Li: You guys have a flight to Brazil.

Kirby: Oh, come on!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Winnie the Pooh is banned from China. So are South Park and Pewdiepie. :(
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	64. VS Blanka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blanka turns out to be wholesome.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post yesterday, but it was Melee's 18th anniversary so I murdered my arms by playing Melee for four hours.
> 
> And I wasn't going to play Ultimate on the best Smash game ever's anniversary. If it was 4 or 64's, I might have not played out of respect for the game that got me into smash and the game that started smash. I totally would have played on Brawl's anniversary tho, I don't like Brawl, mainly because it's gameplay is shit and I don't like many of its characters (gameplay-wise), the music's great tho.

**In a jungle.**

Mario: I can’t believe our plane crashed in the middle of nowhere.

Marth: And I was having the best dream ever! The hands decided to kick everyone who wasn’t in Melee out and to make Melee the main tournament again. I was kicking everyone’s ass!

Sheik: If you remove that last part, I hope your dream comes true.

Link: Guys, look on the bright side, there’s a pretty river in this jungle. We can go for a swim.

Kirby: Maybe we should just abandon everything and live here isolated from society. We should value what really matters in life, food. Some of us here are addicted to electronic devices.

Mega Man: What am I going to do if my batteries run out? I’m going to die!

Marth: If my iPhone dies, I will die!

Sheik: Kirby, you have a point, but we can’t let Mega Man die. We need to get back to society.

Snake: First, we need to figure out where the hell we are.

Blanka: You are in the Amazon Forest.

Villager: Huh, I’m surprised it still exists. My tree donations must have helped.

Olimar: Why would a serial killer like you care about the world’s well-being?

Villager: If the world ends, I won’t have anyone to kill.

Blanka: If you follow me, you’ll be able to make it back to the outside world.

Marth: Thanks. I didn’t know Hulk lived in Brazil.

Link: That’s not Hulk, that’s obviously a really old Gerudo. Their skin goes green when they get old.

Blanka: Actually, I’m just a Brazilian.

Pac-Man: Is that some type of human? You know, kinda like how there are Hylians, normal people and Marths.

Blanka: It’s a nationality, I’m an abnormal human.

Pac-Man: Huh, that’s pretty cool.

**At the closest airport.**

Mario: Thank you so much for your help, Blanka.

Blanka: You guys are welcome. Your next flight is to Russia, right?

Kirby: Is it the European part? I heard European food is the best.

Blanka: Probably. Be safe.

Mario: You too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Melee's made my Ultimate Marth better but now my Roy sucks, I'm barely beating level 7 CPUs with him and I used to easily 3-stock or JV2 them. I'm so happy I have good DI because I think that's the only reason I'm not losing.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	65. VS Zangief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Soviet Russia, you don't write fanfics, fanfics write you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from my ski trip. I had lots of fun and my muscles still hurt like Hell.

Marth: *speaking in a terrible Russian accent* In Soviet Russia, you don’t watch TV, TV watches you.

Link: *in an even worse accent* In Soviet Russia, you don’t eat food, food eats you!

Marth: Nani!?

Mario: Can you two please shut up for a second? Your IQs are lowered to 0 when you’re together and your IQs are already low!

Snake: Let the kids be kids. They’re not hurting anyone.

Mario: They’re not kids, they’re teenagers and no, I will not let them be teenagers. All of the teenagers here must act like responsible adults. We’re on a mission to save the world.

Sheik: Ok, boomer.

Zangief: Oof.

Marth: Ew, who’s that ugly guy? Why do guys think big muscles look good?

Zangief: I am Zangief. I will prove to you that Russian fighters are the best.

Snake: There’s no way we’re losing to a Russian. For America!!!

Pac-Man: Um... You’re the only American here.

Zangief: Come and fight me, our battle will be legendary!

Olimar: That’s not how the meme goes.

Zangief: Ok, boomer.

Kirby: You’re a boomer.

Zangief: I have been beaten. Little guy, I will allow you and your friends to spend the night here.

Kirby: Will there be food?

Zangief: Lots of food.

Mario: But our-

Villager: No one cares! Now, shut up, boomer!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Next chapter, the group visits their first dojo!
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	66. Night at the dojo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, nothing comes alive :(
> 
> But everyone suffers. Well, almost everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting closer to 69 :3

Zangief: Welcome to dojo. I will provide you with food and shelter for free if you can handle my workout. Little pink guy can stay for free. The food is in the room to the left.

Kirby: See you later losers!

Zangief: I will teach you nine. My style, Russian style, is the best style. Questions?

Snake: *glaring* What does your style consist of?

Zangief: You will see. I need someone to be my second in command.

Villager: I volunteer!

Zangief: Smart choice, boy. You remaining eight will be split up into couples.

Villager: It’s pairs.

Zangief: You are smart, boy. Very smart.

**In the Increase room.**

Zangief: Harder! Harder! Harder!

Olimar: I’m more used to throwing my pikmin than actual people.

Pac-Man: He’s already thrown me over a hundred times. Can I do the throwing now?

Zangief: No! Throw must be perfect! I will go check on the other two.

Marth: Grabbing’s so easy.

Zangief: You think so?

Marth: I was known for my laws of physics-defying grab back in Melee.

Link: Marth, your grab sucks now.

Marth: Shut up!

Zangief: No arguing! Go do 100 pushups as punishment!

**In the decrease room.**

Villager: No! No! No!

Sheik: I’m hitting him as weakly as I can.

Mega-Man: She’s doing a pretty good job holding back.

Villager: Weaker! Your attacks must be weaker!

Mario: I’m not sure I can get my fireballs to get any weaker without them disappearing.

Villager: Shut up, boomer!

Snake: I have no control over my grenades’ power.

Villager: I will murder you and everyone you love if you do not weaken their power!

**Later in the dining hall.**

Link: I’m starving! I’m so glad this Hell’s over!

Marth: I can’t feel my arms at all...

Olimar: I can’t believe I wasn’t allowed to throw my pikmin!

Pac-Man: *crying*

Zangief: You four did well, proud of you. Dinner time for you, boys.

Link: Finally!

Zangief: After dinner, you will get well-deserved rest.

**Meanwhile in the decrease room.**

Villager: You guys are pathetic! I don’t want to see a single scratch in this room. I will murder your families and loved ones in front of you.

Snake: Can you please murder us instead?

Villager: I will save you for last.

Snake: God, damn it!

**The next morning.**

Kirby: I had a blast! I will come back to visit!

Zangief: Hahaha! Come back any time, little pink guy. My four apprentices, you can also come back.

Marth: Haha, of course.

Link: Yeah, we’ll bring all our friends over too.

Pac-Man: I suppose this was a unique experience.

Olimar: I’m still salty.

Zangief: As for the other four apprentices, never step foot in mother Russia ever again.

Snake: You don’t have to tell me twice.

Sheik: I’m so tired...

Mario: We got no sleep.

Mega Man: It’s all Villager’s fault.

Zangief: Do not blame, boy. Boy did his best but you four didn’t care!

Villager: Yeah!

Snake: Well, we’re leaving now!

Mario: Where to?

Snake: To the only place worth visiting, the land of the free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Next time, it will be time for AMERICA FUCK YEAH!!!
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	67. VS Balrog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> America, fuck yeah!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day, I'll watch Team America.

Mario: We’re in-

Kirby: America.

Marth: America.

Snake: America, fuck yeah!

Balrog: Comin' again to save the motherfuckin' day, yeah!

Snake: America, fuck yeah!

Balrog: Freedom is the only way, yeah!

Snake: Terrorists, your game is through!

Balrog: 'Cause now you have ta answer to!

Snake: America, fuck yeah!

Balrog: So lick my butt and suck on my balls!

Sheik: Someone should stop them.

Link: We’re going to get copystriked!

Mega Man: I wonder if Snake, Little Mac and Ken will sing this song on the 4th of July.

Mario: I hope not, one American at a time is enough. Now we’re going to have three of them.

Villager: I could always kill one or two for you.

Olimar: Imagine if one day a fourth one showed up out of nowhere.

Pac-Man: I don’t know why I get the feeling that will happen one day.

Snake: Nice meeting you, man.

Balrog: Same here. Good luck with your mission.

Snake: Thanks, good luck with your career.

Mario: Mamma mia, let’s just go to Spain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Idk how this turned out like this but it did.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	68. VS Vega

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tapas are pretty good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went to Spain in February, it was really nice. I love the orange juice there.
> 
> I remember the first time I went to Spain which was in 2018, I wasn't too excited. Spain had never seemed that interesting but I really liked it there. I remember this ice cream place where the guy was giving bigger scoops to people who ordered in Spanish. My dad got a smaller scoop than me, my mom and my little brother.

Snake: Mario, we’re in Europe. You must feel right at home.

Mario: Not really. Spain is very different from Italy.

Vega: Indeed it is.

Kirby: Whatever, do you know a good restaurant? I heard European food’s the best.

Vega: It is, but I quite enjoy Japanese food as well.

Marth: This guy’s a total weeb.

Link: You’re one to talk.

Vega: Sadly, everything is closed right now as it’s siesta time.

Kirby: Oh, come on! We already had a long-ass siesta on our way here.

**One siesta later.**

Vega: Here are your tapas.

Kirby: Finally!

Sheik: These taste really good.

Mario: I wish we could to Italy too.

Vega: Where are you going next?

Mega Man: Someplace in Asia. We couldn’t understand the name.

Vega: Good luck with that.

Olimar: Thanks.

Kirby: Guys, I think we should just stay here forever. The food here is better than back home.

Mario: No, we are going to save the world-

Vega: Za warudo.

Mario: We are going to save za warudo and that’s final.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Next time, we're getting a very very very special chapter :3
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	69. The trip gets sexual (not really)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The special 69th chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, do not look up Boku no Pico. I've never seen it and I hope it stays that way for all of eternity, I've heard it traumatizes and disgusts you. If you've heard of it, you likely know what it's about. If you haven't, please stay pure.
> 
> I will not take any responsibility if you end up traumatized because you looked it up, you have been warned.

**On the plane.**

Link: Hey, guys, I’ve been doing some thinking.

Marth: You can think?

Link: Of course, I can. This is the sixty-ninth chapter of this story. That means this story’s about to-

Marth: But I’m the only hot person on this plane. How is the story meant to become-

Link: You’re not the only hot person here. I bet if we surveyed everyone on this plane on who they’d want to bang and they weren’t allowed to vote for themselves, I’d get more votes than you.

Mario: Link, what nonsense are you talking about?

Sheik: It’s just Link being Link with his only living brain cell. Are you seriously expecting him to make any sense?

Kirby: Guys, have any of you noticed how shit the movie selection is?

Snake: Villager seems to be enjoying it.

Villager: Kill her, bitch! KILL HER!!!!

Mega Man: I can’t believe people were filming instead of helping that poor girl.

Pac-Man: It’s a horror movie, it’s all fake.

Kirby: I wasn’t talking about the horror movies, although they are all trash.

Snake: Well, the other movies are... Interesting.

Olimar: It’s just a bunch of R-18 movies and hentai. Who chose these movies? Aren’t planes supposed to not have these kinds of movies?

Mega Man: There’s gotta be something we can all watch. We don’t want to be bored the whole flight.

Mario: I’ve been having plenty of fun not watching any. You young ones are so obsessed with technology.

Marth: So, you’ve been using your imagination instead?

Mario: Yes, you can think about anything you want. What is it you want the most right now?

Marth: Hm... I want the iPhone 11 Pro Max. No, I want Roy to buy it for me. I want him to take me to the Apple store, let me choose the color I want, then he takes out his credit card and he-

Kirby: I want a shit ton of good food! I’d be sitting on my bed and food would be surrounding me.

Snake: I’d like my ass back.

Sheik: I’d love it if... No, nevermind. What have you been imagining, Mario? Is it about Peach?

Mario: Of course, it is about Peach.

Sheik: You’re so uncreative.

Mega Man: I think I’ve found a movie that doesn’t look bad. It’s called Boku no Pico.

Everyone else: *freezes in shock*

Snake: Destroy every single TV screen on this plane!

Sheik: Don’t let a single one remain usable!

Mega Man: W-what? Why are you guys destroying everything?

Villager: You do not want to watch that anime. Even I wouldn’t watch it.

Pac-Man: Remember kids, remember to do your research before watching something fishy.

Snake: Years of research.

Olimar: Who are you two talking to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I bought Super Mario odyssey because it was on sale on the eStore and it's soo good. Why did I wait so long before trying a 3D Mario platformer? Easily in my top 10 video games of all time, maybe even top 5.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	70. VS Sagat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thai curry is really nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, it's so good.

Mario: We’re in Thailand!

Kirby: I want Thai curry! I love curry!

Link: Please tell me it’s not spicy. The curry in Smash is so hot and spicy!

Marth: No, it’s not!

Link: Yes, it is! That’s why you breathe fire when you eat it.

Marth: It’s not the curry that’s hot, Master Hand just shoved in some weird magical thing in it.

Sagat: May I interest you guys in some curry?

Pac-Man: How sweet of you!

Sagat: Before that, I want to fight all of you.

Mega Man: But we don’t want to fight you.

Sagat: Fine, go eat shit!

Kirby: Look at what you just did, Mega Man! We were about to get good food!

Sagat: Yeah, look at what you just did.

Mega Man: I’m sorry, guys.

Sagat: I will take you to the airport and you will never come back here ever again.

Mega Man: I’m so sorry...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Two more chapters and I don't have to write about Street Fighter anymore.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	71. VS M. Bison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last SF spirit for a while

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter's the last SF chapter for a while.

Mario: We’re in Malaysia now. Hopefully, we won’t run into trouble.

M. Bison: Did someone say trouble?

Kirby: Make it double.

Sheik: That is not how it goes.

Kirby: Fuck you, Sheik! I do what I want.

M. Bison: Fight me!

Pac-Man: Why is everyone so obsessed with fighting?

Olimar: Why are we only running into Street Fighter characters now? I’m bored of them! I don’t even want to throw my pikmin at them!

M. Bison: You two are suffering, good. I like it when people suffer.

Marth: Can villains come up with something more interesting than “Oh, you’re suffering, that takes me to my la-la land”, like really? You don’t have anything more interesting to say?

M. Bison: Um... Can you repeat that?

Link: Jesus, Marth, you can’t go around making villains give up on their villainous ways because they’re scared of you.

M. Bison: Yeah! I’m gonna beat you all up!

Kirby: I’ve got an idea! If you get us food, we’ll fight you.

M. Bison: You will?

Kirby: Only if it’s nice.

M. Bison: Deal.

**One meal later.**

M. Bison: Fight me!

Snake: Not right now. We need to catch our flight to Japan.

M. Bison: But you promised!

Sheik: Kirby never specified when we’d fight you.

M. Bison: *cries*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> A new fighter's joining the roster next chapter.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	72. VS Ryu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new fighter joins the battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking finally, I was getting so tired of Street Fighter and stamina battles.

Mario: We’re back in Japan.

Marth: Yay! I love Japan!

Kirby: Shut up, weeb, no one talked to you.

Ryu: So, you guys have come after me? You have no chance of freeing me.

Link: Actually, it’s a total coincidence we found you here.

Ryu: Well, your little trip finishes here.

Marth: I don’t mind it finishing here.

Ryu: I’ll make sure to ship your remains to Hell.

Marth: Eh, Hell’s better than Brawl. I’m fine with that.

Ryu: I will talk Lord Galeem into sending your remains to Brawl.

Kirby: Bold of you to assume Galeem gives a shit about you.

Ryu: He cares about all of us!

Sheik: He doesn’t. If he cared about you, he’d let you speak Japanese. Are you not embarrassed you can’t remember a single word?

Ryu: ... I don’t need Japanese, I’m not a weeb!

Snake: You’re fucking Japanese, Ryu! How are you supposed to be a weeb?

Ryu: I will not join you! I will never betray Lord Galeem.

Link: That’s what she said.

Sheik: *punches Link*

Kirby: Hey, guys, why don’t we just give up on Ryu?

Mega Man: Kirby, you can’t be serious! Ryu is our friend.

Marth: I never talked to him.

Olimar: Yeah, me neither.

Mario: He’s our fellow, fighter. We need to save him.

Kirby: Just listen, Mario. The truth is, no one here really cares about Ryu. We’re all tired of Street Fighter. We need a break from it.

Ryu: What?

Pac-Man: I guess you’re right, Kirby. He’s not even necessary for clearing World of Light. We should focus on who really matters.

Ryu: You’re not even going to try?

Villager: We’ve got better things to do.

Ryu: Please let me join, I don’t want to be the only one to not be able to join you!

Kirby: _I’m a fucking genius._

Mario: Alright, let’s go back to our world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> YouTube Rewind's coming out today and it looks like Pewdiepie's going to be in :)  
Please, YT let him be in it! I'll like the video this year if he's in.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	73. Piranha Plant pipes in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are no pipes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would have posted a chapter to celebrate one year of ultimate but I was in the mountains skiing. I had lots of fun. The weather and snow were great.

Mario: Time to go back to our home.

Ryu: Well, technically Japan is my home.

Link: And I’m technically homeless.

Mario: Oh, poor you.

Marth: Hey, I wanted to say that!

**Back in the SSB world.**

Snake: Let’s go West.

Sheik: It’s going to be a long trip, we should look for food.

Link: Yeah! I can cook something for us.

Kirby: Great, why don’t you do it now?

Link: It’s kinda hard to cook on a boat with no material.

**Later towards the Mushroom Forest.**

Marth: I don’t feel so good. I think you messed up your soup, Link.

Link: I wasn’t the one to get the ingredients. Blame Sheik.

Sheik: I’m sure everything was edible.

Kirby: I’m so fucking dizzy! Fuck you all!

Mega Man: I wish I could feel the same way you guys do.

Pac-Man: You really don’t want to.

Mario: All right, you kids better stop complaining.

Piranha Plant: I knew my poison would attract someone!

Mario: ...

Piranha Plant: ...

Mario: ...

Piranha Plant: ...

Mario: ...

Piranha Plant: *bites Mario* I’m sorry! I hope you’re freed from evil perverted ball’s control!

Villager: Huh? You’re not with Galeem?

Piranha Plant: Nope! When I got here, everyone was gone. I’ve run into tons of evil fighters.

Olimar: So, Galeem didn’t manage to get to you... What are you planning on doing now?

Piranha Plant: I’m not sure. I’d like to find some place safe.

Kirby: You should join us! Just please get rid of your poison!

Piranha Plant: Really!? I get to join Smash?

Kirby: Yeah, yeah. Just get rid of the poison.

Piranha Plant: Yay! I’m so excited!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Idk if I should wait 5, 10 or 15 chapters before introducing Joker. 
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	74. VS Sakura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FT. everyone's least favorite FE lord, Corn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like using my Sakura in FEH when training units.

Link: I’m bored, let’s sing a song.

Piranha Plant: Oh, I love singing!

Sheik: I can play music with my harp.

Marth: Let’s sing Senbonzakura!

Sakura: Um... Did somebody call my name?

Marth: Great, a Fates character.

Corrin: Don’t speak to them, Sakura.

Sakura: Big sister!

Marth: Oh, look, it’s the character people only like because of feet.

Sakura: B-but everybody loves big sister.

Everyone else: ...

Mario: You know what? I’ll be honest. I don’t like Corrin.

Corrin: Good because I don’t like traitors. Lord Galeem will defeat you all. He’ll kill you all.

Sakura: W-what!? T-that’s so mean!

Kirby: Yeah, Corrin. That’s why no one likes you!

Sakura: Y-you’re not my real big sister!

Kirby: I don’t have a sister, but yeah!

Corrin: Whatever, I love Elise more than you.

Sakura: Elise deserves better!

Kirby: Yeah! Get lost Corrin.

Corrin: *leaves*

Sakura: Thank you. Um...

Kirby: Kirby, aka Jesus Christ.

Sakura: Um... I don’t know who Jesus Christ.

Marth: Jesus Christ, Fates characters are stupid.

Snake: Pretty ironic coming from the guy who believes iPhones grow on trees.

Marth: To make iPhones, you need money to buy everything you need. To make money, you need paper. Paper is made out of wood. So, iPhones grow on trees.

Snake: How can you stand him?

Link: *shrugs* After a while, Marth being a little bitch becomes adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I don't hate Fates, but Corrin really ruins it. Only character I hate more than her is Azura. Fuck her. Especially, L!Azura, she's cancer.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	75. VS Ellie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A recap, kinda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back lol

Mario: Right or left?

Kirby: Left! There’s a bridge! I want to go on the bridge.

Mario: All right. We’ll cross the bridge.

Kirby: Guys, be careful. We don’t want to lose our sponsors. We should be safe because this isn’t PUBG.

Mario: We don’t have any sponsors! We’re the only people alive here!

Link: Look at that beautiful waterfall and rainbow.

Marth: It’s almost 1% as pretty as me.

Link: So, you admit you’re-

Ellie: Hey, what’s up?

Villager: We found dinner!

Ellie: Please don’t eat me!

Ryu: What do you want little elephant?

Ellie: Oh, I’ve heard everything about you guys! I wish to join you in your adventures! I’ve heard tales of your bravery and amazing teamwork!

Snake: What tales have you heard?

Ellie: First, Kirby. He’s an amazing and fearless warrior who’s number one priority is saving his friends.

Kirby: I guess food and friends aren’t too different.

Ellie: Then, Mario. He’s an amazing leader respected by all.

Mario: I wish.

Ellie: Marth is the most selfless person on the team and is the team’s heart. He’s always cheering you during dark times.

Marth: This team would be nothing without me!

Ellie: Olimar is a family man who treats his Pikmin with respect.

Olimar: Someone gets it.

Ellie: Pac-Man always has a smile and is a pleasure to be around.

Pac-Man: Hey, mine’s accurate!

Ellie: Mega Man is a robot who’s assimilated perfectly with humans. You can hardly tell he’s a robot!

Mega Man: Thank you!

Ellie: Snake is always there to watch out for everyone.

Snake: Oh, come on. At least, give me a funny description.

Ellie: Sheik is the secret weapon. She protects everyone when everyone’s down!

Sheik: I wish this was Melee.

Ellie: Villager is just a kid but he’s fearless!

Villager: I am only a kid in body.

Ellie: Link is the hero we all need. He’s always there for you and will respect everyone worthy of respect.

Link: Exactly. It just turns out not many people here are worthy of respect.

Ellie: Ryu only recently joined but he’s already an important part of the team.

Ryu: Seriously?

Ellie: And Piranha Plant- *gets pushed off the bridge by Mario*

Mario: Mamma Mia, just shut up!

Snake: Let’s leave.

Link: Are you done staring at your own reflection?

Marth: *in tears* Have you ever seen a man so beautiful he made you cry?

Link: *starts crying* Yes…

Sheik: What is wrong with you two?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.
> 
> My laptop died and I’m waiting for my new gaming PC. It’s made me really unproductive.
> 
> See you guys next chapter.


	76. VS Ricky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He has an existential crisis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Male kangaroos don’t have pouches.

Mario: Left or right?

Kirby: Left!

One hour later.

Snake: Huh, that really looks like the base.

Mario: We should head back.

Link: Pff, you’re just too scared to continue.

Oracle Link: Is that another Link?

Ricky: Sure is!

Marth: How is that kangaroo male?

Ryu: A kangaroo is talking and you’re bothered by it being male?

Marth: Male kangaroos don’t have pouches. I think.

Link: Sheik, you should know these things. You can tell Marth if he’s right or wrong.

Sheik: What is wrong with you? I’ve never seen a kangaroo in my life up till now.

Ricky: Hm… I guess I must have had some birth defect…

Mario: Marth look what you’ve done to him. Now he’s all depressed. Don’t worry, um…

Ricky: Ricky. Just Ricky.

Mario: Maybe in your species of kangaroo, males have pouches too.

Oracle Link: That must be it! Thank you for helping him through his existential crisis!

Ricky: As a reward, we’ll show you this cool warp pipe we found.

Near the warp pipe.

Kirby: Nooo!!! There’s a little colum in the path!

Sheik: Can’t we just go around it?

Kirby: No, we must go back.

Mario: That’s what I said before!

Kirby: Yeah but it came from your mouth so no one cared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I’m making Kirby, Mario, Marth and Link the main characters if that wasn’t obvious. I’d rather give them more screen time if it means writing funnier shit. I feel like I just gave screen time to the others because I felt obliged to give them screen time.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	77. VS Deku Link

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sixty-ninth spot is unlocked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope Marth wins CYL4. It’s been over two decades since he was pantless in a video game.

Sheik: The next spot we unlock will be the sixty-ninth. We’re getting close to unlocking a hundred.

Link: I need to come up with the best joke for whoever we meet!

Deku Link: Anyone here want this flower?

Marth: I do!

Link: Young Link, what happened? Can you go back to normal?

Deku Link: I’m not the one from Smash Bros. I don’t know any of you except Sheik.

Sheik: You can join us. Many spirits are traveling with us.

Kirby: They are?

Mario: I have no complaints.

Marth: I do! Why do you all complain about there being too many Marths but don’t say shit about the Links?

Link: If you take off your pants, I’ll stop complaining.

Marth: Fuck you, Link.

Deku Link: Um… If you’re a Link why are you wearing blue?

Kirby: I think the bigger issue is why he’s not wearing the Gerudo outfit.

Deku Link: Gerudo outfit? Like the Gerudo women’s outfit?

Sheik: Yes, he had to wear it to get into the Gerudo village.

Deku Link: Huh… I just beat them all up and they let me stay.

Link: I should have tried that.

Kirby: Now we just need to get Ganondorf to cross-dress.

Mario: Yeah… I don’t think that’s gonna happen.

Link: I can’t come up with a joke!

Marth: Hey, Deku, want to know something about your future?

Deku Link: Sure.

Marth: You get-

Link: No, I want to say it!

Sheik: You get laid.

Everyone: *stares at Sheik*

Sheik: What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> For those who don’t know OoT!Link canonically gets laid because TP!Link is his descendant. They’re currently the only Links that are related.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	78. Vs Kalypso

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don’t get how she has an Afro and wears earrings. She’s a reptile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really bored without my computer which is why I’m posting a lot today.

Marth: Ugh, can we take a break? I’m tired of walking all the time.

Mega Man: If we find an expert in androids, I could have them install a jetpack on my back. Then I could carry all of you guys.

Kirby: No, I’m the only one here allowed to fly!

Mario: What’s that thing in the sky?

Link: A furry?

Mega Man: It’s a crocodile! Or maybe it’s an alligator. I’m not sure what the difference is.

Kirby: Hey, Afro-Croc, I’m the only one allowed to fly!

Kalypso: Hello, pink puff ball.

Mega Man: Where did you get that jetpack?

Kalypso: These are my drums. I had them upgraded to double as jetpacks. I didn’t get them here tho. I don’t think you’ll be able to find anything like this.

Mega Man: Aw… Are you sure there aren’t some in that tent?

Kalypso: That ain’t my tent. Some weirdo lives there. He sells weird stuff. You might find something else you like.

Link: Can you be more specific? We see a lot of weird shit all the time.

Kalypso: Don’t have time. I’ve gotta go, it’s getting late. You guys should find a place to spend the night.

Marth: Well, if the weirdo pisses us off, we can always kick him out of his tent.

Mario: Marth, you don’t know who he knows! For all we know he has many followers.

Marth: I’m really good at getting enemies to join our side. I bet I can get him to pay us so that we stay in the tent.

Kalypso: Okay, he isn’t as weird as you guys.

Link: Says the crocodile with an afro. Is it a wig?

Kalypso: … I must fly. Goodbye.

Mario: Looks like we’re gonna have to meet the weirdo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Almost time for a night chapter. Those are my favorite to write.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


	79. VS Beedle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They buy shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should finish BotW.

Mario: Alright, who’s going in first?

Kirby: Not it!

Beedle: Going in where?

Link: Hey, I’ve heard of you! You’re called Beedle, right?

Beedle: Indeedy deedy.

Link: *whispers to Marth* The Beedle I knew wore more clothes.

Marth: Why are you telling me this, Link?

Beedle: *whispers to Sheik* The Link I knew wore green.

Sheik: Um… Okay.

Piranha Plant: Beedle, can we stay in your tent?

Toon Link: Go away traitors!!!

Beedle: I told you you weren’t allowed here unless you paid rent.

Toon Link: Argh!!!! Why am I in charge of watching over you? I deserve a better job!

Link: Why don’t you-

Toon Link: I’ve heard of your tricks! I won’t fall for them!

Link: Fine, take this bomb to Galeem, it’s a gift from me.

Toon Link: Oh, okay. *takes bomb*

Link: Killer queen!!! *detonates bomb*

Toon Link: *flying through the sky* Fuck you!!!!!

Snake: I could have done it better…

Beedle: I don’t know what is wrong with that kid.

Mario: How much do we have to pay you to stay overnight?

Beedle: Just buy some of my stuff. I’m so glad you got rid of that kid.

Kirby: What’s for sale?

Beedle: A Labrador retriever.

Villager: I’ll take it.

Mario: You’ll kill it!

Villager: Humanoids are all I kill. I need dogs.

Beedle: You might want some snacks for it.

Villager: Why thank you. I’ll spare your life for now.

Beedle: I also sell tomatrio.

Kirby: I’ll buy them!

Tomatrio: Hello.

Kirby: What!? Oh, come on!

Beedle: I also have skill spheres.

Mario: Oh, fuck it. I’ll buy them.

Beedle: There are a lot of you. I’m sad to say you guys won’t all fit in here.

Mario: Don’t sweat it. The kids can sleep outside.

Marth: What!? Why?

Snake: Just go look for a place to sleep. Olimar, follow them to make sure they don’t cause a mess.

Olimar: Why me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Byleth’s coming out tomorrow. But I’m more interested in the patch. I hope Arsene gets nerfed. I also hope Marth gets tippers fixed. I also really hope they don’t touch Roy (unless it’s to buff him).
> 
> See you guys next chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> I still don't know how it will end up. I might do some relationships once more characters are unlocked to add to the crack of this fic.
> 
> See you guys next chapter!


End file.
